Cabin Fever
by lazyafternoonnap
Summary: After graduating from Hogwarts, the Marauders were confident that never again would they let their secret slip. Not even partially. Unfortunately, the best laid plans oft go awry. And oh just how awry they can go... For mistakes that were not her own, Holly Clark is stuck with the Marauders- indefinitely. After all it's not like they're about to let their secret escape again.
1. Prologue

Cabin Fever : Prologue

He was old and slow. We figured he might be partially blind because he sometimes ran into walls, but our old dog Mammoth never wandered anymore. He knew better. But tonight he hadn't come back to the door after I let him out. Even though it was June, it was still chilly and I did not particularly want to wander about the property, but I had to find Mammoth. From the row of hooks beneath our family picture, I took my jacket. I pulled my hair up, grabbed a torch, and stepped off of my parents' back porch and set off into the night to find him.

There was a chill in the late June air, the sky had finally gone dark and I wished that the clouds would clear up to let the starlight keep my torchlight company. I turned back to make sure Mammoth had not just found his way back to the house, but there was no sign of the big hairy dog. I trudged on, wishing my dad was home - he would have been able to whistle loud enough to call a whole pack of dogs to the back door. But no, they were off visiting my aunt - my mother's sister- and would not be back until the middle of the week. They were always off calling upon relatives, I did not mind staying home alone. I would just watch the neighborhood children and occasionally eat with their families. What I really needed was company closer in my age. Thirty-six year old parents and their seven year old twin daughters did not count. My siblings had long since moved out of the house. And, I had been too unconvinced by my friends' plans to move to the city upon completing high school. This left me back into my usual routine. Living at home, nannying anywhere within walking distance, wishing I was anywhere else, but not doing anything to change it because the monotony was safer. I kicked at the dirt as I took my next step. I had to stay in the neighborhood, right? Because who else would watch for the Murray twins and the Ross boys?

I was justifying again. I held up the torch and made another sweep of what I could see, then continued walking and avoiding my train of thought from before.

I called out for him repeatedly but Mammoth didn't come. I didn't expect to hear him bark, in his old age the most I heard was a wheezing gasp that ended with a high note- his weakened version of a bark. Our property bordered a large field, which probably was once a farm, and beyond that was a wood. I shined the torch towards the tall grass, hoping Mammoth hadn't lumbered back there, it would be a pain searching him for ticks later. Instead of seeing a sheep dog in the field, my torch lit up a great deer. Much more enormous then what I usually saw, when I actually saw wildlife. Although we were surrounded by plenty of land, we didn't see many animals.

It didn't make sense. Mammoth could still hear and smell- he would have tried to chase the buck. Maybe he wandered into the front garden? I looked around once more, hoping to catch a glimpse of the dog before heading around the house when I heard a very loud bark- one that definitely could not belong to Mammoth. The deer turned towards the forest and instead of running off, it lowered itself, ready to charge. Two hulking shapes came tearing out from the trees. Mammoth couldn't move that fast- unless he was being chased?

"Mammoth! Here, boy! Come on!"

I wish I knew how to whistle, that'd be much more effective. I ran up to the back door and opened it, hoping I could get Mammoth inside. I turned back to look and saw the deer and a dog both attacking another dog. Neither of the canines looked like Mammoth. A yelp echoed across the field as the buck flipped the dog over with its antlers. Scared that these creatures might have hurt Mammoth I grabbed a garden rake from near the fence and ran into the tall grass.

I hoped just my presence and the large object I was brandishing would be enough to scare the animals away, but it wasn't. WhenI neared the scuffling trio, I found that neither of the dogs were Mammoth. And then I realized that one of them was definitely not a dog. It had golden yellow eyes and was strangely elongated. Too large to be a dog, it must have been a wolf, but its appearance was unsettling.

I made to back away, but tripped over something that squeaked loudly, eww, field mice! When I fell to the ground I saw its long naked tail streaking away then I looked up and my eyes met the golden eyes of the strange wolf. Blood already was dripping from its jaws- was it rabid? Would it even matter if it was rabid? Because the proximity of the wolf and the likelihood of its being bloodthirsty made the chances of me surviving zilch.

I struggled to stand up and tried to run. I barely made it three steps before I was knocked to the ground. Its claws cut straight through my jacket and its teeth sunk into my thigh, straight through my jeans. I screamed and felt another blow to my legs, this time by a hoof. The deer was once again trying to toss the wolf away.

Oh please, save me, someone, please.

A short man about my age suddenly appeared, crouching near my face. He threw me over his shoulder and ran into the forest. This sudden inversion did nothing for my nerves, I knew I had lost a lot of blood and that I had just been attacked by a probably-rabid wolf, but now I was being kidnapped? I had never fainted before, not for anything, but this was just too much, and as blackness encroached on my vision, I let it come and I slipped into unconsciousness.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Each of my limbs, my entire torso, as well as my head felt about thirteen times heavier. As I slowly drifted into conciousness after a long sleep - or was it a faint? - I attempted to regain my bearings. Well, to figure them out at least.

I peeked a glance at the room, it was just a typical sitting room only with shabbier couches- the one I was laying on was particularly comfortable. I listened as hard as I could for my kidnappers but couldn't hear much besides a slow gentle stirring. There was a cauldron in the corner of the room. A cauldron. And it was being stirred by what was probably a big stick or a spoon, but no one was moving it- it was moving itself.

I've been drugged. That has to be the answer. No way would I get kidnapped and brought to someone's cozy sitting room- shouldn't I be in a cellar or trunk of a car? And I must be hallucinating because who keeps a self-stirring cauldron in their sitting room- who even owns a cauldron?

I craned my neck looking for an exit. There was a big bay window on the one wall and the view was of a dense wood, I couldn't even see a path let alone a street. I heard footsteps and I quickly shut my eyes as much as I could whilst spying on him. He was too tall to be the man that carried me out of the field and had thick black hair that was very unkempt. He was leaning over the cauldron dipping strips of cloth into it and then they just balanced in the air, following him as he walked towards me.

I was never good at keeping a poker face. My bemusement at the floating cloths must have shown on my face because when he looked at me he seemed surprised. Rather than smacking me back into unconsciousness he greeted me with a youthful cheer, "Oh, hello! Are you feeling ok?"

I don't remember any after-school specials on what to do when you are abducted, only how to avoid it. I decided to play it cool, to act natural. "Yeah, I guess? I really want to know what I'm doing here though. Care to fill me in?"

He looked at me rather seriously, a crease forming above the ridge of his wire-rimmed glasses, then pointed at my legs. "You're hurt and I'm changing your bandages."

Last night's memories came flooding back to me, I sat up as best I could and watched him remove the bandages. It was horrible, my right leg was entirely black and blue and my left was raised and a violent red where there were scratches and a gigantic bite mark across my thigh. Instead of worrying about my injuries, I was confused about something else.

"I was wearing jeans last night," I said as I looked down at the plaid shorts that looked like boxers. I noticed that I was in a large grey shirt with a blue arrow and 'Appleby' written across the front, definitely not the one from last night because I did not know where Appleby was. "You took my clothes off?"

"Sorry, miss, but we had to, and I promise, we cleaned up your back and covered you right back up, didn't look at a thing."

"We?"

"Yes, we. I'm James Potter and my friends and I have been trying to clean up your wounds from last night. They'll be back in a bit and you can meet them then." James Potter extended his hand and I shook it. I stared him straight in the eye, I remember hearing that it was important to remind ones abductors of your humanity, so I made sure to look into the deep brown eyes behind the glasses.

"Holly Clark." I did my best to sound nonchalant, but really was wondering about when the rest of the 'we' would show up.

"Well, Miss Holly. Care to roll over so I can change the bandages on your back?" He was being quite proper, but something about his messy hair and the ever present smile on his face made me think this was not typical for him.

I looked down and realized he had already replaced the bandages on my legs, I hadn't even noticed. I rolled over and he eased up my shirt, I tensed.

"Its okay, I'll be quick." I felt a prod of something in between my shoulder blades, it hurt like hell and I clenched my fists. "Sorry, it's a numbing charm, it'll make changing the bandages much less painful."

Numbing charm? What? I voiced my confusion. "A numbing what? Are you some kind of witch doctor?"

"Witch doctor? You mean like voo doo? Of course not, don't be silly. After seven years spending loads of time in the hospital wing, I've picked up on some of the more useful spells. But by no means am I a Healer, there's loads more schooling for that."

I rolled back over and pulled my shirt back down. "Okay, quit talking nonsense, what the HELL do you mean by spells and Healers? Where am I? And when can I go home?"

His smile disappeared, his jaw dropped and his head turned a little to the side. At that moment the door opened and I could hear voices.

"Did anything interesting happen last night?"

"Well, Moony, you see, it was a little more eventful than we had hoped."

I could now see three men my age walking into the sitting room, the tallest of the three hadn't noticed me and was instead staring at the shorter, blonde man, the one who carried me here, waiting for him to explain the events of last night. The other man had long dark hair, almost shoulder length yet he didn't look like the hippies I've seen, his hair was smooth and for a second I wished my hair could lay like that. The dark haired man winked at me and walked forward and sat in an armchair across from me but did not make eye contact. I followed his gaze and met eyes with the tall man. There were emotions flicking across his face too fast for me to guess what he was thinking. He pointed at me, turned to the short man and asked, "Peter, what happened last night?"

Peter fidgeted and looked down at his shoes, he mumbled something that I couldn't hear, but the tall man definitely could. Whatever it was led the tall man to walk quickly to the other armchair and sink down into it, his face in his hands and groan.

Looking back and forth between the four boys gave me no indication about the situation. Were they habitual kidnappers and the tall sandy brunette was sick of the act? "Can someone please fill me in on what is going on here?"

The three of them not sitting with their hands over their faces exchanged looks, almost arguing silently over who should speak. After a tense ten seconds or so, James turned back to me, and asked me what I remembered. I hesitated then told them how I went outside looking for my dog when I saw three animals fighting, how I thought one was Mammoth so I ran towards them, how the strange wolf had chased me down, clawed me and hurt my leg- at this point the tallest moaned and sank even lower in the armchair. Then I recounted how Peter had picked me up and I passed out and woke up here to James changing my bandages.

They all looked at each other again, then towards the one in the chair who just feebly waved his hand at them. After clearing his throat, James asked, "Remember how you were confused when I said that bit about numbing charms?" I nodded, he continued. "Do you know anything about any kind of magic?"

Dumbfounded. That is exactly what I was. Magic? I got attacked by a wild beast and he wants to start talking fairy tales? I had no clue where I was and no one was telling me anything. "I have zero clue as to what you are talking about, and would really, really appreciate it if you made some sort of attempt to explain the gashes and bruises on my legs and back. I'm losing my patience here."

"Guys, this is a bit more complicated than we thought. On top of the damage already done, we're about to break the international statute of secrecy."

Expletives dropped from where the dark haired man was and Peter's mouth was forming a big O. The tall one stood up from his chair and looked from me to James and said, "No, no way, that isn't possible, I've read about this, basically every book on lycanthropy and there was never one word on a muggle surviving. It's not possible!"

The short one spoke, "Moony, I'm sure you've read everything, but not many people would care to see to it that a muggle was cared for after a bite, not everyone like you has friends running amongst him that would be able to stop a victim from bleeding to death. It can't have been written about before. And I couldn't apparate with her back to your house, so after I got her here and James started to bandage her up I went back to look for her wand- no sign of it, mate. She's a muggle."

Moony was an odd name. Really odd. I tried to think over what they said, and I had read plenty of fantasy books so a few pieces made sense, wand, magic. Everything except for apparate muggle, what was that? "Excuse me, but, umm what's a muggle?"

All four turned and looked at me in shock, almost as if they had forgotten I could hear them. James, once again, was the spokesperson. "Okay, what I'm about to tell you is very true, it is not a joke and you have to take it seriously, okay?" I nodded. "Us four are wizards, and there are many more witches and wizards living all over the world today. It's against our law to reveal ourselves to those who cannot practice magic, or muggles." I nodded again. "Last night, you were attacked by a werewolf. Because we were close by we were able to rescue you and take care of you. Unfortunately, you cannot go home now… you're quite stuck here, because we need to keep taking care of you and also you're classified as highly dangerous and pose a threat to all your neighbors."

He seemed serious. But how could he be? I looked back and forth between the four men, trying to see if one of them was about to crack a smile and tell me I was on a hidden camera show. But nothing. "So first you guys tell me magic is real and now you tell me I've been bitten by a werewolf? You're kidding me, right? I'll take that first bit to my grave, I believe you, I've seen you floating things around, James, but the second part? Nope. No sir, I'm going home as soon as I can because I'm perfectly fine besides a few minor scratches. I am not staying here to be held hostage for others safety. You're probably just covering your own behinds because you broke your law revealing yourselves to me. But I promise I won't say a thing, really, people would call me a lunatic, so I'd kindly like to have my own clothes back and I'll be heading back. Thanks for the bandages, it was really kind of you, really-"

Moony spoke again, this time very seriously. "I'm afraid we can't let you leave. I know how dangerous you are now." He swallowed, "I'm the one that bit you."

He looked awfully serious. Too serious. Well, serious enough that I believed every word given his tone. And as much as I wanted to leave, his words scared me. I was dangerous? What was going to happen to me? And would I ever be able to go home and back to work with my kiddos? This was just too much, too, too much. I couldn't find words to express my fears and questions. Instead, I just nodded and too my embarrassment I could feel tears forming in my eyes. These guys didn't know me at all and they were getting such the wrong impression of me- fainting and crying.

The dark haired one spoke up, "Well, if our pow wow is over, can we get some breakfast? Are you hungry- uh?" He didn't know my name.

"Holly. Holly Clark, and you all are?"

"Sirius Black at your service." He replied with a swooping bow.

"Peter Pettigrew." The short one.

"Remus Lupin," So his name wasn't Moony, that was a relief, it was really a strange name. "and if you guys don't mind I'm going to go lie down, surprisingly enough, I'm not hungry as usual." He turned to me. "I'm really sorry but it's just the bedroom, kitchen and sitting room, I do hope you don't mind sleeping in here until I can get another room sorted out."

I nodded, and then looked curiously around the house. Behind me, a kitchen area was against the back wall, it wasn't even a separate room. I couldn't tell where the bedroom must be until I watched Remus Lupin walk through a doorway which led to a room that- from what I could see- barely held more than a bed. The whole place was quite tiny.

James tapped me on the shoulder and when I looked at him I saw that he was holding a plate of bacon and eggs. I was starved and started to tuck in. He sat down next to me and patted my leg, "It's going to be ok, you're really lucky, you know, given the situation. We'll all take care of you."

I knew he was trying to console me, seeing as I was unable to stop the tears, but I couldn't feel lucky at all right now. I was in a cabin, in the woods, with four complete strangers who claimed they were wizards- one of which was also a werewolf who had attacked me last night. Lucky? I don't think so.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I woke up to a silent house. James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew were all asleep in various places about the room. This must be Remus Lupin's house because he was the one sleeping in the bedroom whilst the other three were on the couch, armchair and the floor. I didn't see a clock anywhere in the room, but something did catch my eye. The entire wall was lined in bookshelves, so much so that it appeared to be just a strange wallpapering of different colored blocks. I wanted to get up to investigate his collection but knew it would wake up James. I propped myself up on my elbows and looked around some more, there really wasn't much to see, there was no television, but a record player and radio were in the one corner.

CRACK!

The noise came from outside the house and it woke everyone up, scaring not only me. Sirius pulled himself off the floor and stood as if he were ready to fight, but instead of his hands in fists, one was clenched around a thin piece of wood- a wand? Next there was a knock on the door. James made eye contact with me and put a finger over his lips and pointed beneath the couch. I looked at him in shock, what was going on? His eyes widened and he pointed again, more forcibly under the couch. Scared beyond all imagination, heart pounding, I slid off of the couch and edged my way beneath it, as James, Sirius, and Peter arranged themselves about the room strategically. I bit on my cheek to ignore the protests of my muscles that had not wanted to move and watched James' feet make their way towards the door.

"Would you boys please let me in? It's Lily!"

I heard someone swear not so quietly and another person heave a heavy sigh of relief and then the door was pulled open. Greetings were passed between them all cordially. So they knew this Lily? All that worrying for nothing? Why were they so concerned anyways? I heaved a sigh of relief and started to crawl back out from beneath the couch. When I appeared, I clearly scared the newcomer. She shrieked and pointed, "James! Who is that and what did you guys do to her?"

I remembered my bruised legs and most likely sloppy appearance - borrowed clothes and ugh, who knows what my hair even looks like- but tried to smile anyways.

"Why do you assume we did this to her?"

The girl looked at James with a look that clearly said "Seriously?" and she added to it with "Come on, when something is awry, it is usually you four." A broad smile went across her fair skinned face, "No, it is always you four."

She was definitely a friend of James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus. Feeling slightly left out, I stuck out my hand, "Holly Clark. And these guys here have done nothing but take care of me."

"Lily Evans," the girl said cautiously, she was looking me up and down and then looked towards the men, "Sirius! Put that away!"

The red head must have been talking about his wand, because Sirius was the only one to still hold it in his arms crossed over his chest.

"Too late, Evans, she knows." He took a deep breath, "It's been a very eventful night."

But how did she know that I was not a witch? The other boys were not sure, but Lily had taken one look at me and known. I became even more aware of my appearance with this thought and fidgeted a little more trying to finger comb my hair and wishing I had an elastic to pull it back with, all while becoming, yet again, painfully aware of the soreness in my body.

She looked confused, but she was still very pretty, gorgeous even. She was short with long, deep, red hair and brilliant green eyes. She made her way over to the couch and sat down, then after looking at each of us she spoke, "explain."

Peter twiddled his thumbs, James ran his hand through his hair, and Sirius spoke up. He began to tell about last night, saying things like Remus was harder to keep track of than usual, that usually there aren't any animals in these woods cause they know he's there but a big old dog showed up and threw them all off their typical game plan, how I showed up and how they couldn't hold Remus back and he attacked me, how Peter took me back here and they've been treating me, and how they found out I was a muggle and how very complicated it all was now.

Lily gasped and looked at me, she grabbed my hand and said, "you're gonna be okay, I'm so very sorry for all this, but don't worry, we're all going to look after you."

I nodded, I seemed to be doing a lot of nodding. It was just so hard to talk to people you didn't know when you're suddenly thrown together for a very irrational reason. During the entire story, no one seemed to ask about how Remus was currently and I took the opportunity to ask about him, "Is he still asleep?"

Sirius laughed, a great infectious barking laugh that I would have loved to join in with except I did not know the joke. Lily smiled, probably seeing my confusion, and resolved it saying "Holly, Moony sleeps like a log on normal days, so naturally after the full moon we don't bother to even try to wake him cause he's so worn out."

I wondered if I'd be like that. "How long has he slept for before?"

James answered me this time, "Oh no more than seventeen hours straight, I think that's his record. Usually he eats before going to sleep though, so I'm sure he'll be up soon enough even though he did have a bit of a snack last night."

"A what? You mean not only did he bite me but he got my dog too? He ate Mammoth?"

"Easy there, Holly, you make it sound like he swallowed him whole. And mind you he's not really in control of what he does, you see-" James responded and at the same time Sirius said "I did my best to keep Moony off of your dog. I would definitely not say he ate him!"

I ignored what Sirius was saying and focused on James. "Not in control? Obviously he's not in control! He killed my dog and then attacked me! Why the hell is he even near people?" I knew I was shouting and being completely rude, but this news really scared me. I was going to be an out of control bloodthirsty beast every full moon. I really was going to be dangerous and this scared me so, so much. I've always just kinda coasted through everything, not causing too many ripples but now, now I was something that needed to be controlled, something horrifying. These people didn't seem to understand just how devastated I felt. I really just wanted to be alone but in this tiny cabin there was nowhere to go.

"Now see here, Moony is a great person, and you better not just go hating him for what happened. If that's the case you're going to have to hate the werewolf that bit him and the one that bit that one and so on. There's nothing you can do about it so stop your yelling! And Moony's our best mate, so don't you dare talk bad about him- any part of him- when we're around, okay?" Anger was practically seeping out of Sirius at this point, he looked furious. When I looked at the rest of them, they all seemed mad too. Clearly, I had struck a chord but I was still angry.

I mumbled a quick sorry and turned onto my stomach and faced the back of the couch. It was a slower process than I wanted it to be because I had to put the majority of my weight on my elbows when turning because my legs ached so bad. It was rude, but they'd have to deal with it, I mean I was going to be their hostage for who knows how long. Lily was the first to speak.

"I understand she's upset, but really, to say those things about Remus?"

"Thanks for sticking up for me, really, but she's completely right." Apparently Remus had been awake for my conniption.

"Moony, don't start getting down on yourself. It's not your fault and frankly we all hate it when you get in these moods."

I couldn't tell exactly who was speaking, but they went back and forth between them trying to console Remus. Saying how it wasn't his fault and to not get worked up about it. Remus couldn't seem to get a word in edge wise and when he finally did he sounded angry.

"Look, I hear this from you guys all the time but this situation is completely different. I don't care if I wasn't in control but what I did was terrible. I do not think you guys realize it- I bit someone." He paused after each word in the final phrase and I could feel his frustration and seriousness permeate through the room. "This was not a narrow miss, not a scratch, a bite. I turned someone else into what I am. I cursed someone. This is a huge, huge issue, so will you all stop trying to minimize it and just realize what I've done?" A couple deep breaths followed this before Remus began talking again. The other four in the room were silent.

"She looks like she's passed out asleep right now and I do want to get back to sleep too, so if you could all just go home for now I'd really appreciate it. Come back in a day or so, I really think I need to talk to her myself."

I heard the shuffling of feet but no additional comments as James, Sirius, Peter, and Lily moved towards the door. They all said goodbye and I heard the door open and shut and then four successive loud CRACKS! I expected to actually get some more sleep when I felt a depression in the couch cushion near my waist. I tried to keep pretending I was asleep, he really was the last person I wanted to talk to at the moment. "You may have tricked them into thinking you're asleep but your heart is beating much too fast, unless you're having a night mare of course, but you don't seem to be sweating. But anyway, enough of me rambling, roll over 'cause I know you're awake, we need to talk."


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I rolled over and sat up, making room for him to sit on the couch facing me. "How..?" I wasn't exactly sure how to ask how he could hear so well.

He smiled, it was a nice smile, genuine, then he pointed towards himself, "Heightened senses, especially around the time of the full moon. Sometimes its bothersome but it can really come in handy." He didn't give me a chance to talk, instead holding up a hand as if to shush me then his expression changed and his tone became much graver. "Now I know my friends really glossed things over, made it seem as if this situation isn't so bad but they don't truly understand. So I want to tell you the truth and how I'm so, so sorry about what I did. I sincerely wish that this was something we could reverse, but we can't.

"So for the rest of your life, each night of the full moon, you're going to undergo a very painful transformation. When you become the werewolf you'll have no control over what you do, you won't even remember what you do. Before James, Sirius, and Peter started helping me out, I had no way of knowing what I did the night before. I would wake up miles from my house weak and worn out. I've never been in proximity with another werewolf before, so I really don't know how it's going to be next full moon."

He really seemed to be struggling with what to say. Along with listening to his words, I tried to capture his emotions through his facial expressions. From what I could glean, he was very much disgusted with being a werewolf. He also seemed very confused with what to say. Finally he stood up and walked over to the bookshelves and began to pull volumes off. He came back over with a stack and set them down on the coffee table. "Here, this is how I learned what I haven't found out from personal experience. I really have never gotten to tell my point of view on lycanthropy to my friends. They're always hushing me and telling me it isn't my fault and how I'm the same as they are. James will refer to it as my furry little problem even, but its not a little problem. It's huge. Their words are comforting yes, but just, umm, ask me any questions you want, 'cause I'll tell it like it is." He handed me the book off the top of the pile, Fantastic Creatures and Where to Find Them, and grabbed another for himself. "Read the chapter on werewolves, I'll just be right here trying to research lycanthropy in muggles."

We spent several hours sitting in the sitting room, poring through the books. Remus was getting really frustrated as he threw down book after book. And I voraciously sped through each successive chapter, trying to figure out just what I was now. All these books seemed to contain information on identifying and killing werewolves, the bloodthirsty habits of these murderous creatures, and how cursed they were in general. I set down the last book, Creatures Moste Darke and Dangerous, I had, which detailed the transformation of a werewolf, the book was much to maliciously gleeful about how painful the elongating and cracking of bones was, and frankly it turned my stomach.

I hadn't asked Remus any questions so far, he was very immersed in his books as was I, but I was curious. The list of questions in my head kept growing. How do James, Sirius, and Peter help him? Just what did they do? How long had he been a werewolf? Had he always lived in this little cabin? Is this cabin really behind my house? How had no one ever noticed his presence here? Did he run about the woods every full moon all my life and I, as well as all of my neighbors, never noticed? How did he meet the other boys, did they go to school together? He did not attend my school. Is he still in school? He looks my age, so does his friends, but I wasn't sure. Why was he researching about muggles not surviving? This made me the most nervous, would I not survive? I banished that thought from my head immediately. What kind of word was muggle anyway? I settled on a safe, noninvasive question to ask, "Are there many of you, I mean, us?"

He looked up from his book and sighed, "No, but I really don't know, it isn't like there are conventions. I mean, there was a Registration Act passed a decade or so ago, but my parents never let anyone know, so I never signed. To be quite honest, no one really signed it unless forced. So I doubt that the Ministry's numbers are accurate. It's hard enough to find a job where I can take sick leave each month that I don't need my name on some list that keeps me from getting anything but the lowest of positions." He paused and was looking out at nothing in particular then turned back to me. "Find anything interesting?"

"Nope. Each book is successively more gruesome. I can't help but wonder how I'll even survive a transformation."

"Don't worry, Lily's a excellent hand at potions, she always makes me things to help me endure the aches and pains afterwards, but if you haven't read this yet, there are no potions or spells that can lessen the pain of the actual transformation. And really, we've tried just about everything. There's a firsthand account from a werewolf in that pile somewhere called Furry Snout, Human Heart that's really pro-werewolf. Apparently when it first came out it really helped lighten wizard-werewolf tensions, but not much seeing as the Registration Act was still passed."

He tossed me a small book out of the pile. "Thanks, any luck in your research?"

"None, but there are enough muggle horror films about werewolves to show that it's happened before, right? I just can't figure out if there will be any differences, not as if there should be, it's just, I really don't like trial and error. I'd much prefer to read up on something, understand it and then give it a try. But next month we're going to be just completely winging it with you."

"Well, let's put it this way, at least I didn't crawl home somehow and end up massacring my family and the rest of the neighborhood. That's one thing we've done right so far. And, well, with you, you had to just wing it- right?"

He set his book down and I could tell he was wracking his brain. "I don't remember much from then, I just remember the pain of the transformation and moving here."

"How old were you when, you know...?"

"Five. So it's barely within my span of memory. All I know is I was taken from my room and bitten. My parents didn't take me to St. Mungo's, afraid that I would be completely ostracized from the wizarding community, as most werewolves are. But we did move here almost immediately. I'm sure it upset them to leave their original village, my parents were young, they had been working to make it their home together, had probably just started making close friends. But to keep the neighbors safe they moved. Ever since then I've been here."

"Wow, you were so young, so you've been like this forever basically? And your parents sound like good people. But- do you know who bit you? And St. Mungo's?"

"St. Mungo's is our hospital- the Wizarding Hospital in London. I have no idea who bit me, never met him. My dad, he seemed to know who did. When I was old enough to realize that it was on purpose, that I definitely remember being in my room that night, not wandering outside- I asked. Neither of my parents would answer and it upset them so much I never asked again. It's horrible, there is no offense great enough to earn this kind of life."

He seemed distraught once again. I could guess why, he hated this Greyback guy so much for biting him and probably plenty others but then he had bitten me. "You're not like that werewolf, you didn't set yourself up to attack me. You didn't break into my house. I don't know you at all, but first impression- you seem okay, and I can't hate you for this, by the time I fully understand the repercussions of this bite, I'll also understand how out of control you were."

"Thanks. Really." Remus looked thoughtful, now. A more relaxed expression was on his face than before. In a tone lighter than I expected, he continued speaking, "You know, before I knew the circumstances, I used to pity the werewolf who bit me. I thought that, like me, he had no idea what he had caused. Before my dad passed away, he told me it was his fault. Gave no explanation because I did not ask for one, I couldn't not with him so sick. Just that it was his fault. I wasn't an accident. I was intentional."

"Well, I was an accident. And we'll try not to make it again, shall we?" I smiled, trying to lighten the mood. Remus' story had practically cast a grey cloud atop of the cabin. He looked back at me, a smile close to appearing on his lips, just not quite.

Remus stood up and walked towards the kitchen and when he returned a tea tray was floating beside him. "I hope you aren't weirded out by the magic, I assume it takes a while to get used to, but I've never been good at balancing the tray and would rather not spill it. Tea?"

"Yes, thank you. It's okay, I'm actually kind of intrigued by it all. I mean, those numbing charms James did are fantastic, I can still move my legs but they don't really hurt- just a continuated soreness. And by the looks of these bruises they should really, really hurt."

Remus was looking at my bandaged leg with an expression of despair. I knew then that he was going to blame himself for all of this, and that each reminder would tear him apart. I doubted whether anything I could say would help, so I just snapped my fingers in his line of sight which snapped him out of it.

"Sorry! I was just a little lost in thought."

"No worries. And please, don't be so obvious in blaming yourself, you didn't do it on purpose."

"It's not just that, I was just thinking, well, it's stupid really."

"No, go on, what?"

"Well, I was bit on my leg too, but being male, it's a lot easier to hide the mark. You're not going to be able hide it, you know?"

"Well, by the looks of it, I'll be in this house with you and not many -any place else. So I don't think I'll have to hide it much." I remembered what someone had said the day before, the phrase was "quite stuck here" if I remembered correctly. It felt as if it had not truly hit me yet, because I sure wasn't reacting emotionally to this friendly form of abduction.

"It's really for your own good, keeping you here. Maybe, sometime down the road, you can go home, but for now, Holly, I really think you're best off here with a bunch of people experienced in this kind of thing. And I don't mind the company."

I smiled and went back to sipping my tea. I picked up Furry Snout, Human Heart and started to read. Normally I was quite the chatterbox but the only questions I could think of might be construed as invasive. I really wondered whether or not he worked or even if his friends did. I was pretty sure it was a Saturday so I figured I would find out tomorrow night or Monday morning. I also was very curious about magic but James had something about a statute of secrecy, and I really didn't want to get them in trouble.

As I read more of the novel and the author spoke of his former family, I began to worry about mine. I had no belongings here- no clothes, no shoes, nothing- but I didn't know how to get them back without bumping into my parents. They were away this weekend, thankfully, so they wouldn't discover my disappearance until later tomorrow. I thought about just letting it be just that, a disappearance, but I had no money to even buy new things. If I went back and packed some things up then it would look like I ran away. Either option would break their hearts, which was better a daughter who disappeared or a daughter who ran away?

If I didn't go back to get my things, then they may come looking for me. They could search the woods and discover Remus' cabin and then there'd be so much more trouble. So many things could go wrong, did they all discount the fact I had a family?

"Hey Remus?"

Without looking up from his book he gave an affirmative "Hmm?"

"I was wondering, well, what exactly are we going to do about my parents?"

"I've been wondering that, too. It really is up to you, because well, you've already been gone all day and they-"

"Oh no, they were away, visiting my mother's family, I-" I paused. How do I explain that my parents were always off somewhere and leaving me behind? I was nearly eighteen so this should not bother someone my age in the slightest, right? "I, um, begged to stay home though because I really don't know them well, and it's just so awkward there. They won't be home until tomorrow."

He closed his book and stood up, pacing a little. He came to a stop and pivoted back to face me, "Do you want to have run away, been killed, or completely forgotten?"

"What?" I was taken aback by his thought process… forgotten?

"Well, if you had run away, we could just pack up a lot of your things and leave a note. If you had been murdered, we could make it look like that, I'm sure James and Sirius would get a right kick out of staging a murder scene. And the trickiest would be if we removed everything that has to do with you from the house and then erased you from their minds, but there's way too many loose ends there. Any friends or neighbors stopping by would ruin everything." He walked back towards the couch and plopped down. "What'll it be?"

"Well I had only thought of making it look like I had run away or like I had disappeared. But if it looked like I disappeared then they would come looking for me, and find this place which could be disastrous."

"Oh no, they can't find this place, it has a couple charms around the boundaries that would keep muggles away." Seeing my confused look, he explained further, "Lily did them, she's really good at charms you see, and I'm not exactly sure, but if anyone comes near they'll feel the need to go in another direction, I'm not exactly sure what she had it look like from the outside, though."

Oh! So that is how no one ever noticed him or this cabin before! "Lily did them? Well, why didn't your parents have protection on it before?"

Remus squirmed a bit in his seat before answering, "Well, they had but when a wizard or a witch dies, some of spells they've cast die with them. I had no way of telling whether the anti-muggle charms were still working so once she could, Lily put some up for me."

"Oh… I'm really sorry about your parents, Remus."

"No, no, no, it's been ages, my dad died when I was almost sixteen and my mum three years prior. I only had a year or so before I came of age and I spend most of the year at school anyway, so I wasn't here all by myself for too long. And I knew how to cook, which really helped."

"But didn't you have family to take you in?"

"I think I have some cousins and aunts, but no one that could take me in. Could you imagine? I'd go off to live with an aunt and then they'd have to find out the hard way what I am. It could have had disastrous repercussions. My father made it clear in his will that I was to live alone, he left the house to me and put it something like 'I raised my boy right and his mother taught him to cook and clean and I taught him to take care of himself, so let him have the house to himself.'" Remus had a reminiscent smile about him.

"He sounds like a good man."

"Oh, that he was, just weary of a broken heart after my mom passed, and the stress of me didn't really help either of them…" He trailed off a little, fidgeting with a string in the side seam of his trousers. "So did you think of how you want to handle your situation?"

I knew I preferred to just make it look as though I had run away, a murder would be much too harsh on their nerves, but I was rather curious about the forgetting thing. Almost as curious as I was vehemently opposed to it. "You said that you could make them forget me?"

"Well, yes, it'd be a rather tricky memory charm, seeing as you're their daughter. And then there would be all the papers and photos to get rid of. Then, of course, everyone else that knows you too. I must admit, I'd really prefer a different option."

"Oh me too, is it selfish to rather be remembered as the daughter who left than never known at all?"

"Maybe it is, but I don't think so. So you're going to be a runaway then?"

"Yep. Well, no time like the present. Can we go now?"

Remus managed to find an old pair of jeans of his I could wear (mine were destroyed and no amount of patching could save them) but I had to belt them off and quadruple cuff the bottoms. He gave me a cloak to wear over everything and my appearance was really quite silly. The cloak was strange to me, it was like wearing a very long and light jacket, but actually very comfortable.

We had to walk through the woods for a while before we got to my house. The only lights on were the ones that I had left on the night before and none of my neighbors were outside. We crept through the tall grass and then I dashed up onto the back porch, Remus walking calmly behind me. I opened the screen door and waved him on, "Hurry up, Remus!"

He continued walking nonchalantly, then took the door handle from me, and waved me inside, "You'd be surprised how much less likely one is to get caught if one just acts calmly."

I rolled my eyes and started down the hall towards my room. I pulled out all my duffel bag and started to empty my top drawer. I heard Remus pause as he came to the doorway and I looked up from my packing and gestured him in. "I don't know how I'm going to get all my clothes into this bag."

He pointed his wand at my bag and I looked at it, waiting for it to grow or duplicate or something but nothing happened. "Just fill it, ok? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Umm… in my closet, yeah right there, just take everything off the hangers and throw it in this bag here." I didn't look up from emptying my other drawers but I heard him ask what was next. I threw the rest of the socks in the bag and looked over at him and the emptied closet and all the clothes packed up neatly in the bag. I didn't bother to ask how they all fit or how he did it so fast when I noticed his wand in his hand once again. "Well, if its that easy, why don't you just pack the rest of it then, all I have left is my shoes, I think. I'll start writing a goodbye."

I pulled out a notebook and grabbed a pen off my bedside table. Sitting down I tried to think of what my story would be. I looked around the room, as if looking for inspiration when my eyes settled on Remus. Well, at least it'd be more true than any other mumbo jumbo I could come up with.

Dear Mum and Daddy,

Please always remember that I love you so so much and I am grateful for all that you've done for me. I wanted to wait to you came home to tell you in person, but I cannot wait. I'm moving into the city, I've been saving up and have enough to sustain me and Mammoth, I'm going to find work and a new life there. I promise I will visit and write you once I am settled in. Please don't worry about me, you raised me right and now you have to let me prove it. I will miss you so very much and I love you always,

Holly.

I put my pen down and shrugged my shoulders, it wasn't my best effort, but it'd have to do. I folded the paper up and looked at Remus, "Ready?"

He nodded and picked up my bags and slung both of them over his shoulder, I protested that I could at least carry one of them, but he wouldn't hear it. I set the letter down on the kitchen table and locked the back door after we left. Remus led the way back to the cabin but I straggled behind him, trying my best not to cry. It was strange, for never having much change in my entire life to completely changing everything. I didn't know for sure whether I would be able to return and I didn't want to ask. I didn't want to hear more details on my gruesome new life today.

It was weird, walking behind Remus. Following someone I knew little of out into the wood. Was I following him like I was a prisoner, off to settle into a new block? Or was I following him out of my former prison? The entrapment I had made for myself, staying at home and reaching for nothing more than what was within arms' length. I had a brief thought about how I did not notify the Ross' or the Murray's, how come Monday morning they would be in a panick when I did not show. A dark thought of "whatever" scrolled through my thoughts and I opted to forget about the kids and focus on following Remus, for now.

I could see Remus walking ahead of me, but then I knew I just had to turn right and keep walking. The back of my head was screaming at me to keep following him, but my instincts insisted I go this new direction. I couldn't seem to stop walking away so I shouted for Remus. Seeing me walking away he jolted into a run and grabbed my shoulders. "Where are you going?"

I shook my head and kept crying, eventually I managed to say that I just knew I had to go this way. Realization dawned on his face as he said "Remind me to ask Lily if we can make an exception for you in these charms. It won't do any good if you can't even get to where you're supposed to stay."

He led me all the way back to the cabin, but I didn't see it until we were on the front stoop. All this magic was beginning to intimidate me but I knew I had to trust Remus. I vaguely remember him saying he'd cook us some dinner, but, upset, I curled back up onto the couch and cried myself to sleep.

...

Whatever I had just been dreaming about I completely forgot because the pain that woke me up was unbearable. I grabbed my leg where it felt as though I was being electrocuted as jolts of pain emanated from my bite. Clearly, James' numbing charm wasn't permanent.

I glanced out the window and could hardly see the trees it was so dark, I really did not want to wake up Remus so I hopped towards the refrigerator, not daring to put any weight on my foot and clenching my jaw so that I wouldn't cry out. I reached the refrigator and bit harder onto my lip trying to find some way to focus on anything but the pulsating jolts wracking my body. I pulled the freezer door open and glanced inside, hoping for a bag of frozen vegetables. I rummaged through and found some frozen peas, hopped over and grabbed the dishtowel, I wrapped them up. Not having the energy to hop back to my couch I sat down on the cold tile and put the frozen bag on top of my bite.

At first, I couldn't feel any difference the electric shocks still pulsing out from the bite. It hurt like hell. I pushed the frozen peas more forcefully onto the wound and as the cold numbed my leg the pain subsided, kind of. I sighed and leaned back against the cabinets only to look up and find I wasn't the only one awake. Remus was standing near my feet just looking at me, at least I think so, it was still dark and hard to see. "Are you okay?"

"Well, now I am, I think the numbing charm wore off. Thank goodness wizards still need freezers or else I wouldn't have found these-" I gestured towards the bag of peas, "to numb my leg."

"Mm… I see, I do think that the shooting pains will go away after a day or so. Let me know if you want me to repreform the numbing charm."

I really wished that I could see him, but it was just too dark. It was hard to tell how he was feeling by his voice alone. From what I could glean he was uncomfortable. I felt bad that he's been so upset, why make it sound worse and have him do more magic. "I think I have it handled for now, thanks." My tone was less than pleasant because my sole focus was on just how much my leg hurt. Could I saw it off, would that help, ugh I just wanted it to subside.

Remus did not reply, and I do not think he moved away either. I took a sharp breath then attempted conversation more nicely, this time. "Does, er, does it ever hurt like this again?"

I heard him sit down and could feel that he was on the floor somewhere near me. He sighed, "I really don't know how to describe it. Before the full moon, its as if the bite mark is just tingling with anticipation. And the wolf starts to affect you too, you get more, let's say, animalistic. Then there's the pain of the actual transformation, of course. But after? Afterwards, there's a mix of exhaustion from not sleeping at all and soreness from the transformation. But is it ever that electrocuting pain again? No, that's just the pain associated with your body changing from human to werewolf- not what you become during the full moon- but the state I'm in and you'll be in."

"The wolf?"

"It's hard to explain really, it's as if inside you there is another thing, that gets more present the closer it gets to the full moon. Basically it's my excuse for when I'm quick tempered and edgy the few days before. But it's not entirely an excuse, in a couple of weeks, you'll understand."

I didn't want to find out in a couple weeks, I didn't want to find out ever. The pain was slightly subsiding - thank you frozen peas. Well, not really subsiding, justless. And a little more less. I looked over at him and realized that I could see him, my eyes must have become accustomed to the dark. He wasn't looking directly back at me though, instead his eyes were once again locked on the scars and bruises on my legs. I glanced down and realized that the frozen peas had slipped off but my leg didn't feel as though someone had jabbed a downed power line into an open wound on it. Remus spoke again, "I'm sorry."

It seemed like every conversation I had with him included him apologizing at least one time. Frankly, it made me uncomfortable because I wasn't sure how to forgive him directly and also I worried that he was pitying me, something I really did not want. "Seriously, Remus, stop apologizing. This seems to be kind of a done deal and I'd rather hear something else out of your mouth, okay?"

He shrugged slightly, "If you say so, how about we go back to bed now though. Knowing my friends, even though I said not to come back for a couple of days, they'll be here bright and early tomorrow."

He had stood up and was standing above me, arm outstretched to help pull me up. I was really wary about putting weight on my bitten leg still and rather than bend both legs into a kind of tuck to make it easier to stand up, I left that leg limp and grabbed Remus' hand. He didn't pull me up like I expected but bent down and slung me up into his arms, carrying me like a child. I squirmed a little and whined "You didn't have to do that! I can walk all by myself!"

He smiled as he walked me back toward the couch, "Oh really? I see you favoring your one leg, so I decided to favor the other. Keeps things even, can't have one getting jealous, you know?"

I laughed at his joke and then laughed even harder when instead of setting me down gently he just let me drop on the couch. Remus was an odd fellow, one second he's morose and thoughtful, the next he's playful and joking. What was his true personality? He smiled and said "We'll add a room for you tomorrow, can't have you living out of a duffel bag forever. But tonight you'll have to deal with the shabby old couch."

"Shabby isn't a bad thing, it just means it's been broken in." He didn't say anything as he walked back towards his room, but through the dark I could see his happy expression. I snuggled beneath the blanket and made myself comfortable and after a few minutes I heard a voice come from the other room, it was quiet and I was surprised I even heard it.

"Goodnight, Holly."


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I woke up that morning to the smell of sausage cooking. Stretching I stood up and went into the kitchen to find it wasn't Remus cooking but Lily Evans.

"Oh good you're up! I tried to wake you a half hour ago but you didn't budge, and I didn't even bother with Remus. Figured I'd let the boys get him once they get here." She was talking whilst flicking her wand this way and that. Plates and flatware were flying about and the table was setting itself. Lily was a moving in a whirl of red hair and I felt utterly useless.

I walked over to my bag and grabbed some clothes and things and walked towards the bathroom. "Hey Lily, you don't happen to know if there's any spare towels, do you?" She nodded her head and with a flick of her wand a set came zooming towards me. I caught them and headed in for a quick shower.

I had some time to think under the warm water and decided that I much preferred when it was just Remus and I. Although magic was amazing it really was overwhelming. Remus hardly used any spells around me, I think he could tell it frightened me a bit.

I was careful scrubbing around my injured leg. It was weird that it was not throbbing in pain anymore. Yes, the soreness was still there, but it really was all over my body as well. In the daylight I'd have to put more effort into covering my grimmaces as I moved. I focused on the sound of the water and did my best to ignore the pots clanking in the kitchen, reminding me how hungry I was.

When I had dried off and redressed, this time in jeans and a plain white t-shirt of my own, I emerged from the bathroom to see that there were three more people in the kitchen. James, Sirius, and Peter were all crowded around the table and Lily called to me, "Come on, Holly, tuck in before they finish it all. I'm going to wake up Remus."

Sirius swallowed and shouted, "Good luck with that, Evans, Moony looked like he had the Draught of Living Death when I peeked in there."

Seeing my confusion he explained, "Powerful sleeping potion, just a joke, dear."

"Hey, watch who you're calling deer, there's only one of those here." Lily had returned and I could hear movement from Remus' room, so she had succeeded.

"I'm a stag not a deer, there is a difference!" James practically growled. I looked back and forth among them hoping for an explanation for this inside joke but no one seemed to think it out of the ordinary, or at least necessary for an explanation so I kept silent.

"Oh really now? Enlighten me on this difference." Lily retorted rather coyly.

While James sputtered on that there was a huge difference, I sat down and ate some breakfast it all smelled delicious and each time I breathed in I was able to separate each scent and identify it. This must be those heightened senses Remus was talking about yesterday. It was strange yes, but it made everything seem so much more vivid. When I finished eating I stood up took my plate and the other empty ones of the table and to rinse them off in the sink. I had barely finished rinsing the second plate when I noticed the intense silence in the room. I looked over my shoulder and five faces were looking at me rather strangely.

"You don't have to bother with that." Peter said simply and with no further explanation.

"Well, seeing as I'm living here now, I feel as though I should help out some."

"Quit acting like a house elf. Leave that be and come sit back down."

I didn't understand what Sirius meant by house elf so I ignored that part and responded to the other. "It's just dishes."

Nobody responded, instead they all just looked at me. I squatted down and looked beneath the sink for dish soap but there wasn't any. "Hey Remus, where do you keep the dish soap?"

"I don't have any."

"Okay…" I pulled my head out from inside the cabinet and looked at the crowd at the table, "then what can I use for the dishes?"

"Scourgify" Peter mumbled.

Remus opened his mouth to answer me when Sirius spoke, "Holly, we don't just do the dishes, we're wizards."

It made sense after all, but now I felt completely stupid. Sirius had completely talked to me as if I was a small child and it ticked me off. My reflex to this was to get defensive. "So? If you haven't noticed I can't just enchant the spoons to wash the plates because I can't do magic. And since I want to do the dishes, I'm going to do the dishes and quit trying to make me stop."

I didn't much understand why I was being so adamant about doing the dishes. I had always cleared the table and washed the dishes at home so that's naturally what I wanted to do here. I didn't want to just be a lump and mooch off of them, it wasn't right. I didn't care that all they had to do was mutter some incantation to save me some time. My life had been thrown completely out of whack and doing dishes was normal. I wanted something normal.

Sirius, just as stubborn as me, continued, "Seriously, sit back down, you're being ridiculous." He raised his wand but his hand was quickly slapped as Lily pointed to the sink with a wand of her own and the water filled and became soapy.

"Thanks." I grumbled and quickly went to work, doing my best not to face any of the others. I did not hear any more comments from them and could only assume that someone sent a look or glare telling everyone else to drop it.

As I scrubbed each plate the other five talked around the table, discussing the events from the newspaper. I was relieved that I was excused from their conversation, as I had no clue who or what they were talking about. I wondered if they realized how much I didn't understand. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to know what they were talking about and to be able to join in, too. For now though, I moved on to drying and putting each piece away.

When I had finished I sat back down at the table. There was a beat of silence when they stopped their conversation, no one quite sure what to say about the previous conversation that had included me. I opted to babble some form of apology, "Sorry for going off on you all like that. I just always used to do the dishes at home, it's a force of habit that I'm not sure I can let go just yet." I kept my head down, too embarrassed to make eye contact with them.

"Its okay, Holly, I'm muggleborn so I at least understand manual labor," Lily paused to glare at Sirius, "and I've got a sister who's absolutely wretched to me about magic. You're not even close to being like her."

I smiled in reply and then pointed towards the newspaper, "So, what's going on in the world today?"

James picked up the paper and snapped it open. "Ugh, nothing good. More disappearances and murders. It's been awhile since any of these crazies have been captured."

I didn't even bother to ask what exactly he was talking about because I was enthralled by the pictures on the front page. They were moving. The words were changing, advertisements blinking, and the people in the pictures were walking about. It was mesmerizing. I, once again, didn't bother to ask how the pictures moved, knowing that it was some form of magic that, if it was used even in the newspapers, was commonplace and they wouldn't understand my excitement.

James, Sirius, Lily, Peter and Remus continued to talk about the headlines so I took the paper to read. The headlines ranged from topics of recent murders, criminals eluding capture, to brushing up on basic defensive spells. I flicked through the paper rapidly, reading each article no matter how confusing it was.

"Hey Moony, you're sure that voracious reading isn't one of those werewolf traits?"

"Come on now, Padfoot." Groaned an exasperated voice that I guessed to be James'.

"Really, Sirius? One thing I do know is that I was able to read before I was bitten, as I'm sure Holly was."

I looked up to see who Padfoot was and following James' gaze I realized it was Sirius. They have weird nicknames for each other. I went back to reading The Daily Prophet and when I finished I listened more to their conversation and tried to follow along. Following along was difficult, there were all sorts of strange words that I wondered if they were nouns exclusive to wizards, names, or spells. They jumped from topic to topic and debated thoroughly on someone's next move. I tried to follow but the five of them began to speak heatedly and shouted over each other. Then, with a bang, only one voice was heard.

"I don't care what you say, I think this has to do with a lot more than glorifying purebloods!" Sirius had slammed his hand on the table, "That's been going on for centuries, trust me! I just think it's a front for something else."

"Don't even say that, it can't be just a movement he's latched onto for support. He wouldn't be killing so many people if that wasn't his goal- to cleanse the population!" Lily looked incensed, like most fair-skinned people she was flushing with anger all over, not just her cheeks.

James placed his hand on top of Lily's. "If he's going to kill everyone but the purebloods there won't be many wizards left, especially after he finishes off the blood traitors."

I skimmed through the headlines again, trying to work their conversation into what I had read. 'He' must be He-who-must-not-be-named, I figured but I couldn't figure out the deal with blood.

Lily later explained it to me, when the boys were outside planning the addition of my bedroom to the cabin. She said that some wizards place high importance on the purity of blood- or coming from a long line of wizards. They look down on muggle-born wizards and sometimes even half-bloods, because their parents 'stooped so low as to marry a muggle' or that their blood had been 'tainted' somewhere along the line with muggle blood. Blood traitors, she said, were pure blood wizards that didn't support the view of the importance of purity of blood and especially those that supported or even associated with muggles.

I wanted to ask her more about this pureblood mania, but Peter interrupted us, popping his head in the window asking, "Holly, you don't mind if it's a small room, do you? We really want to avoid cutting down that pine over there."

"Not a problem with me, Peter, really, did Remus not tell you how small my room was at my old house?"

He smiled and disappeared from the window, I turned back to Lily, "So what kind of jobs do you guys have in the wizarding world?"

Lily took a quick sip of tea, put down her cup hastily with a big smile. "Well, we've only been out of school for barely a month, but I got a job with the Ministry of Magic, working on experimental charms. It really is exciting, I never thought I'd be able to land a job so easily!"

"So what do they do?" I asked gesturing outside where James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were.

"Well, James and Sirius are going through auror training- aurors are like our police- and Peter, the lucky son of a gun got a cushy desk job in the ministry, his one uncle has connections apparently. So, basically, he's just sorting files, tedious, really, but he's happy."

"What about Remus?"

Lily, reached across the table, grasping my hand, "Oh, honey, as smart as he is, he can't hold a job when he takes leave once a month, people would catch on to what he is, especially in the wizarding world. They really don't take to kindly to werewolves."

"Oh." Poor Remus, all his friends were working and he can't even get a job.

"Did you work before we dragged you off into the woods?"

"I looked after the neighborhood children when their parents weren't home, got paid just enough for pocket money and to save up for more schooling little by little. Besides that, no, I didn't hold a regular job."

Lily nodded, and looked out through the window. It looked as if the boys were measuring off what they were adding. I was shocked to see Remus sawing down the trees, when I turned to ask Lily if she knew Remus was quite the frontiersman, I noticed her staring directly at James.

"So what's the deal with you two?"

"Hmm?" Lily snapped immediately out of her reverie and looked back at me confused.

"I said, what's the deal with you two?"

"Me and who?"

"James."

"Oh, him. Well, it's kind of a really long story. But basically, we went to school together. I hated him for being mean to one of my good friends, then after a falling out with former good friend, I got used to James, you know, pulling my pig tails. And then, the summer before our last year, I realized how much I missed having him around- because he was always around, he never left me alone. We became really good friends seventh year and now we're dating.

"To be honest, I've been really hoping for James to pop the question. He's just so thick headed that I think after I rejected his marriage proposal at fifteen he hasn't thought to ask since."

The whole time Lily was talking, she wasn't looking at me, but straight out the window and directly at James. She had it bad for him.

"So are you two living together?"

She started, but still didn't face me, continuing to watch James, "What? Oh, no, call me old fashioned but I won't move in with him until there is a ring on my finger."

I nodded, "I understand, I think it will be strange living with a guy my age."

"Don't be silly, you're just roommates, and Remus is totally trustworthy. He never even came close to dating at all in school, probably to avoid anyone realizing his furry little problem, he kept a distance from just about everyone." That wasn't exactly my concern, dating. I couldn't help but think how I have not had a roommate ever that was not a sibling. Even then, my sister was several years older than me.

"How'd you guys befriend him?"

"Well, James, Sirius, and Peter were his dorm mates, and they're not oblivious so they figured him out either first or second year. Sometimes I think they think his condition is cool or fascinating or something. But the boys love adventure and so they more than accepted him, they became best friends."

"And you?"

"Well, aforementioned ex-good friend was always telling me theories about Remus and his disappearances from school and then when Remus and I were prefects we had rounds together and being the chatterbox I am, I basically forced him to have conversations with me. I guess over time we became friends, and I put two and two together and realized he was a werewolf.

"Being muggleborn, I wasn't raised with the prejudices most wizardkind has, so even though I was taught that werewolves were bloodthirsty, half human beasts, I knew Remus was a good kid and just couldn't judge him any differently."

It was nice to hear about their friendships and deep down I wished that I could fit into their group. "So this former best friend? What's the deal there?"

Lily tore her eyes from the window and looked at me very seriously, "that is the one thing, that I don't want to talk about."

Stunned, I managed a "sorry." To which Lily replied, "maybe one day."

We entered into a brief awkward silence which I tried to fill by talking about my school and old friends. I was embarrassed about how I was on the slow track to answering phones somewhere and accomplishing little with my life when Lily told me more about her new job.

As we worked on making dinner together, Lily was beaming as she told me more details, "Even though I'm still in training, I've gotten to see a lot of what the department does. Some people have specific tasks and are looking for and creating certain spells, others are testing out new charms that others have come up with-trying them out to determine level of difficulty and if they can be improved and such, and some people have free reign to mess about and create the charms that they wish."

"And what would you like to do?" I asked as I poured a sauce over the chops.

"Of course I'd like to try my hand at creating and discovering new charms, but being a new hire, I'm afraid I'll have to settle for testing other wizard's charms." Lily finished chopping the tops off of the beans and magicked a pan to stay over the boiling water to steam them.

After covering the chops to simmer, I started gathering up our mess, "Well, you have to start somewhere, and its not like you're mopping the floors in the charm place. Before you know it, you'll be in charge, I'm sure."

Lily smiled, "Thanks! Now, please, allow me to clean up?"

I nodded. The counter which was once covered in cutting boards, knives, plates, pots, and scraps was whisked clean and the dishes were scrubbing themselves in the sink. I didn't mind at all this time, it was more than I wanted to do. "Alright, let's get this table set up, shall we?"

As we handed off plates from the cabinet to the table, hardly a half metre away given the small size of the kitchen, I realized that I was glad that Lily came with all of this mess. She hadn't brought up the main reasons for my stay yet- as Remus did almost every five minutes. She hadn't freaked me out with magic anymore, I bet Remus had mentioned to her to keep it down. And not to mention Lily was fun to be around. It'd been a while since I had had a good friend, most of mine had gone to university or opted to move to a bigger town or even to Glasgow.

When we were all set, Lily hollered out to the boys to come eat. They barreled in, leaving their tools and plans behind.

"Mmm! Smells delicious! Holly, I didn't know you could cook. Hey Moony, you picked a winner here!"

"Sirius!" Lily was horrified at his blatant disregard for the situation. But hadn't she said the boys didn't quite see it so much as a problem but more as an adventure?

"Oh, hush up, Lily darling." Sirius garbled through a full mouth of food, then swallowing said, "you could learn something from Holly. Remember the burnt chicken last winter? Check and see if that fire left a mark on your kitchen ceiling, Prongs, when you get home."

Lily didn't bother to respond this time, well at least verbally. Instead, she smacked Sirius upside the head.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The next morning, I woke up to the sound of hammering. I dragged myself off the couch and walked outside to see Remus busily working. I watched for a little, feeling mostly useless, I have never used anything besides a screwdriver in the tool department. Remus looked up, he had sensed me somehow I guess, and wiping the sweat off his brow he greeted me with a simple "Mornin'!"

"Good morning, you eat breakfast yet?"

"Nope, working up an appetite, I'll be in."

Remus continued to arrange the wood he had cut and nail it into place while I dug a little into the dirt with my toes. I hated being the only one not doing something, even if I had no experience in carpentry or construction.

"Can I help at all?"

He jumped a little, he must have forgotten I was still outside. "No." He walked back over to the saw horse and measured out a distance with his hands, "Really, no. Go on inside."

I watched him a little longer, he never once used a tape measure or even magic to measure out the boards, but each one was the exact same length. When I went inside I toasted some bread and put butter and jam on it, piled it onto a plate and went back outside.

"Ready for a break?"

Remus didn't react this time but instead finished what he was doing and turned back to me, nodding eagerly and wiping off his hands when he saw the plate I brought out.

We sat on a stump and ate our breakfast in silence. Between each bite I would catch a different scent or hear something moving in the woods. It was overwhelming how differently everything felt. How much more my senses took in. Inside the house it was very quiet and not much went on, but out here in the wood, there was so much more. I heard the slightest rustling of leaves and looked off to my left trying to spot what it could have been. I hardly needed to squint to notice a branch on an oak tree bobbing up and down from the new weight added by the black and white bird perched upon it.

Before I could get too excited about my discovery, I felt something else- that feeling of being watched, no being inspected. The muscles along my spine tensed, and I slowly turned to see Remus, still sitting next to me but watching me curiously.

"It's overwhelming at first, realizing how much more is going on. You know, that I didn't, or couldn't, realize before." I explai

He smiled a bit more, the original half smile pulling a bit further up his cheeks. "Well, I'm sure it is for you. It took me ages to realize that my parents did not perceive the things I did. It was like the reverse, finding out that everyone else was deaf and blind to most of what I heard and saw. And oh, especially with scent. I think our olfactory sense, though not as strong as a wolfs, is exponentially stronger than humans."

"I forget that you don't remember much from before." I kicked at the ground a bit, scattering pine needles with my toes. "Basically, it feels as if I woke up after being sick and everything-my ears, nose- is unclogged. And with my eyes, you know how sometimes you wake up too early and everything looks blurry? And then you blink a few times and it goes back to normal? It's like that, I guess."

"It is funny watching you realize everything. Like two nights ago, you were not even looking in the right direction at me in the kitchen. Then, suddenly, you could see me. It was weird."

"Hmm… perks, huh?"

Remus' mouth dropped entirely, then he sputtered "No, I didn't mean- its not that- that it is good to see. It's not good to see what- what I did."

"Remus! Stop! I get it, well not really. But I will soon, then I'll get mad at you, okay? And you can feel guilty then, alright? But not yet."

"Fine." We turned to silence again. I looked around some more, trying to adjust. I wanted to break the silence, I hated when I snapped at people. "So… you're quite the craftsman, huh?"

Taking the change in conversation as an opportunity to move again, Remus stood and went back to his work, chatting with me as I watched from the stoop of the tree they had cut yesterday. "My dad taught me what he knew when I was younger. Before Hogwarts, even. My mum and dad didn't think I could go to school, so they found skills that I could learn." He began carrying the panels and planks he had cut towards the side of the house where my room would go. This I could help with, I joined him and he continued talking. "My dad wanted me to learn to work with my hands. I think he wanted me to be able to work outside of the magical community. 'Cause it is not really…" He leaned the boards against the side of the cabin and wiped his hands on his jeans. "I can't depend on magic, especially not when I can't even get a job in my own world."

I'm really not sure what to say. So I awkwardly, pat his arm and walk back to the saw horse to grab the remainder of the cut lumber. I've never been good at comforting people, my tactic is usually distraction. "So, if your dad helped you learn carpentry, then what did your mother teach you? Cooking, right?"

He grabbed a hammer and a fistful of nails and met me back at the side of the house. "Well, yes, but that's not all."

Following his directions, I helped him lay out the foundation boards. "So what other tricks do you have up your sleeve?"

He looked up from his work, a few spare nails clamped between his teeth, his fingers holding another steady as he went to hammer it. He shook his head.

"Oh come on, Remus, tell me. What is it, knitting?"

He shook his head again, shuffling over to the next junction. I held the boards steady as he sealed them together with the nails. "If I guess, will you tell me?"

He shrugged. I continued to pursue him. "Sewing?" He shrugged. "Baking" No. "Calligraphy." Nope. "Crochet?" No.

I began looking around for clues, "Gardening?"

"Actually, my dad showed me that. And I can't really sew, per se, just repair tears, patch, and such. The necessary stuff."

"Remus, what is it? It can't be that embarrassing. I mean, nothings embarrassing if you are good at it, right? Do you write poems? Do you decorate cakes? I don't know!"

"Holly, knock it off and come help me with this." He gestured towards the cement. "And you'll never guess." He leaned down towards me, "So stop trying."

We spent the rest of the morning working. I called out every hobby I could think of, doing nothing to narrow it down, Remus was not an candle maker, bee keeper, florist, quilter, or artist- though he has tried, he said that James was the best artist in their group. He did not play any instruments, he did read an extraordinary amount- which I had gleaned from the walls of books inside, but understood when I realized he spent his whole life secluded in the woods. He owned a camera, but did not consider himself a photographer. He tried his hand at wood carving, but was much better at building larger things than whittling.

"I've got it!" I said, after we stepped back and looked at what would eventually be the floor of my room.

Remus leveled it out with a flick of his wand and cleared all of our debris off to the side of the house. "A sickle says you don't."

"A what?"

"It's a coin- wizard money." Remus shrugged.

"Oh, well, you're going to have to buy me whatever a slickle can buy cause I think I figured out your skill."

He crossed his arms and waggled the fingers of his one hand, "its sickle, Holly. And go on, keep trying."

"You sing."

A barking laugh gave away that Sirius had joined us, "As if, Holly. Moony thinks he can sing, but I've got the pipes around here."

"Sirius! What are you doing here? Don't you have training?"

"Well, Moony, I am on break and I was worried you'd be putting our new friend Holly through slave labor, so I came to rescue you," He held up a paper bag, "with food!"

Inside we ate and chatted, I asked Sirius what Remus' hidden talent was and he was no help at all. "Moony has a hidden talent? You mean besides turning into a werewolf by the light of the moon?"

"Sirius, please! I've been guessing all morning. You shared a room with him for almost seven years, right? So…?"

Remus interrupted, "I can assure you, he doesn't know. No one knows."

Sirius thought a little, then spitting a little food about in the process, asked, "Moony, is your talent a non talent? How about not being able to talk to any birds. Mary whats-her-name was well aware of that non-talent." Sirius poked Remus in the side and Remus retaliated, shoving Sirius away.

"Shut it, Padfoot." Remus was beet red, obviously embarrassed about school memories. "We all know your secret talent is your impeccable manners, though you choose to ignore them half of the time- would you stop talking with your mouth full?"

Sirius responded by chewing obnoxiously with his mouth open, smacking his lips loudly with each bite.

"Gross, Sirius, cut that out."

He swallowed the lot and then got up from the table. "Well, good luck with the rest of your work, I'll see you around Holly. And Moons, I'll see you Wednesday night, correct?"

We waved and he walked out the door and disappeared from sight. "What's on Wednesday?"

He shook his head, "It's nothing." He dropped the wrappers in the garbage then jerked his thumb towards the door, "Shall we continue?"

"Yes, and in the meantime, tell me about Hogwarts."

We worked the rest of the day, when the sun had disappeared along with our energy, we headed back inside. Thankfully, Sirius had brought plenty of food so we ate leftovers for dinner. Remus was exhausted, he had been awake much earlier than I, and had done the majority of the work so he fell asleep on one of the couches. I threw a blanket over him and then began to read another of his books.

I couldn't concentrate on the books though, not after hearing all about Remus' experiences at Hogwarts. Well, he mostly talked about how he didn't think that he'd be able to go, being a werewolf and all. He had been visited personally by the school's headmaster and modifications were made to the grounds so that he would be able to transform and not harm any students. I was most interested by his story of receiving his wand. When he had gone to the shop on the wizard street in London, the shopkeeper had been able to tell immediately that Remus was a werewolf. I wondered how that was possible, was the man just that perceptive- I mean, he did work at picking the exact magical instrument for any number of customers a day. But still, I worried that if I ever went home, that my family would be able to tell that I was different. That I was no longer myself.

I woke up the next morning, finding Remus working outside again. I helped him with what I could. And we continued talking, this time more about myself. It was weird, jumping from topic to topic, trying to gain an understanding of each other.

I told Remus about my friends in school, Jennifer and Gwen. How Jennifer was one of three named the same in our class and in our younger years I began calling her "Ifer." How I spent the majority of classtime with my nose to the wall so that I would not talk in class. How Ifer moved to Wales with her family and I lost my conversation partner, how I basically lost my voice because of that. I still talked in class, but not nearly as much or as often. How I volunteered to help walk children home from school because I did not like going home to an empty house after my brothers and sisters moved out without any advance notice all within two years of each other. And how that landed me four babysitting jobs that I've juggled ever since. How I finished school but never moved because I had a steady job but also because I felt obligated to stay with my parents, even though they called upon relatives and friends the majority of the year.

Midway through my sentence describing when I bought Mammoth with my brother from a stranger's box in the car boot I realized that Remus had not really asked me anything, that I was just rambling things off as we worked. I paused and waited to see if he would say anything, or if he was really listening. He looked over at me and simply said, "Go on, why did your brother buy you the puppy?"

"Because he was moving away and wanted to give me a replacement." I answered, then realized I had stopped my sentence for a reason. "You're awfully quiet, you know that Remus?"

He stopped what he was doing and lowered the hammer. "How do you mean?"

"I mean that," I grabbed the hammer from him and pegged in the nail he was holding steady. "that you have been letting me ramble and I don't know if I'm boring you or not."

"You are not boring me, Holly. It's nice to have another voice around here." He took the hammar back and finished the placement of the front wall. "I got to tell you all about myself yesterday and now you're telling me about yourself, so carry on."

I found it odd that Remus did not notice the difference between yesterday and today, but ignored it and chalked it up to the observation Lily had given me before, that Remus kept to himself. I continued chatting and made an effort to ask him what he thought or if he experienced something similar.

This continued for the rest of the week. I concluded that Remus was not quiet, he just needed to be prompted to contribute to conversation. We worked all day, ate and then slept away our exhaustion. Remus disappeared that Wednesday night and I was asleep before he came home. He wouldn't reveal anything about where he was, and I didn't pursue it. We had told a lot to each other every day, and I had plenty more time to get the rest of the story. After we nailed in the last of the side boards, covered the roof, and Remus magicked in a glass window (He commented that his skills fell short when it came to windows), we sat back on the rubbish pile to admire our work.

"I must say, Remus, I'm impressed. Finishing an addition in a week, that's quite the feat."

He laughed, then pulled his wand out of his back pocket, "Well, this sure helps." With a smile, he wiggled it a bit, golden sparks coming out from the tip.

I shoved his shoulder, "Show off."

Over the next week it became quite obvious that Remus could be truly content just sitting and reading his books all day. I, on the other hand, would read avidly for a couple of hours and then want to move around, but I was constrained to this small four room cabin. Venturing out for a walk might get me spotted by a neighbor if I wandered to near the edge of the forest or I would never find my way back to the cabin. I sighed as I realized there was not much to do.

"Remus, what do you do all day?"

"What?" Remus asked, looking up from his book.

"You know, do you just read all day?"

He used his finger as a bookmark and straightened up a little, "For the most part, yes. I'm usually in school, I've only been graduated almost three weeks now. When I am home over the summers and I'm not reading, I'm usually out looking for work or fixing up this place."

"Could you work a muggle job? I don't think we'd be as likely to notice the timing of monthly disappearances."

He sighed, "I have worked muggle jobs before, doing summer work and such when I wasn't away at school."

"Same, I've babysat probably every child in my town. But I have no idea what I want to do now. Do you?"

He stood up, probably going to make tea, but he surprised me when he came back with a chocolate bar. He broke off a piece and offered it to me, "I do, but I know I can't- so I don't think about it."

I took a bite off the piece he had given me, it was so delicious I just let it melt on my tongue.

"Good, isn't it? Honeyduke's is the best. I have a stash in the kitchen." He smiled, "I've done it all really, Holly. Landscaping, construction, deliveries, but I haven't worked in childcare. I believe I'm my own occupational hazard."

I laughed at his joke, I had come to accept the fact that Remus was going to criticize himself hourly. "Let's go job hunting next week. Theres got to be something else we can do to occupy ourselves."


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The days were passing more quickly, in the mornings Remus and I would go into the neighboring town looking for work. I was surprised just how far his cabin was into the wood and it was a huge relief that my family hardly frequented shops outside of our own town square. Dorney had a range of stores, restaurants, and small businesses.

As we walked, I'd point out establishments to consider and Remus shot down each one. Mostly he said that it would require too regular of hours. We needed something where our shifts could get swapped around easily. At the moment we were only scouting out for opportunity. He said that getting the job would be no problem, it was a matter of keeping it.

During the afternoons and evenings, we would relax; Remus with a book and me organizing my room. Lily came over a few times with furnishings she claimed she didn't need. Thanks to her generosity I could now fill a new wardrobe and dresser with my clothes and had a small, soft rug on the ground. By Thursday, it finally felt like a room of my own.

I was relaxing on the bed when the familiar sound of one of Remus' friend's arrival from thin air roused me from drifting off into space. I left my room to find Remus letting Peter inside.

"Hey Pete! You coming for dinner?"

"Ah, no… Holly, I was just dropping off a message for Moony." He fidgeted a little, until I got the hint and returned to my room. A spell was definitely cast because normally I could hear any conversation in the house, but it was completely silent in the sitting room. It wasn't long until Remus knocked on my door, then poked his head in, "Hey… Holly, sorry, Pete and I have to duck out for a few hours this evening. Don't mean to leave you by yourself for dinner, sorry."

Shrugging it off I waved bye to him and Peter and they disappeared into the night. I went to the kitchen and heated up some leftovers to eat for the second night in a row. Why could Remus just leave whenever he wanted and I had to stay?

I drummed my fingers on my thigh, trying to think of something to do. Standing in the middle of my room I realized that there was nothing more I could organize. None of the books on the shelf were beckoning to me as they usually did. Initially I was worried that Remus' book shelves were entirely nonfiction but I discovered that one of the walls was full of fiction novels. I had opted to start from the top shelf and work my way down- seeing as I had plenty of time. I ended up sitting ledge of the bathtub and attempting to french braid my hair. When my arms were sore and my hair was sufficiently knotted- and not in the way I was hoping, I gave up and went to read on the couch.

I woke up to the door crashing open. It was pitch-dark outside- and at this point of year that meant it had to be the wee hours of the morning. I peeked over the edge of the couch to see Remus and James carrying Sirius and Lily pressing a makeshift bandage onto his arm. I couldn't hear what they were saying, I was too focused on the scene visually to take in anything else. Sirius' head was just lolling completely unsupported and I couldn't tell if his eyes were open or not. James' brow furrowed, but his mouth open in concern. Remus freed one arm and with a wave of his hand the lamps in the room lit up. I jumped off of the couch, "Oh! Oh my, what happened? Is there anything I can do?" I swept my blanket and book off of the couch and pushed the table away to give room.

They didn't answer but instead focused on setting down Sirius and getting to work. Remus rushing back from the kitchen with vials and bandages, James throwing objects into the cauldron in the corner, Lily tourniqueting Sirius' arm and then cleaning a gaping wound with whatever was in the vials Remus brought.

I stayed out of the way, feeling helpless to the situation. Then I took a deep breath and ran to grab a washcloth, soaked it in cool water, then went about mopping sweat off of Sirius' brow. As I leaned over him, I realized he was conscious, but barely. I repeated my question from earlier, "What happened?"

The three of them exchanged looks and that's when I realized that it wasn't just Sirius who looked in rough shape. James had a cut up by his hairline and his glasses were broken, Lily's hair was a mess and she looked as if she had just run a marathon- her cheeks blotchy and red, Remus had dirt and rips all over his left side. A collective "uh…" was the only answer I received for a bit, until Lily blurted out, "We were in a fight."

"A fight?" There is no way that is the whole truth but I choose to accept it. "And what happened to him?"

"Not sure yet." Lily leaned over Sirius once again, with her wand in hand muttered strings of nonsense words I could only assume were some kind of incantation. I watched as Sirius' gash began to knit together and a strange purpley ooze dripped out of the wound. Remus rushed over and collected the discharge in a vial. Once the wound was sealed, James wrapped Sirius' arm with the bandages he had soaked in the potion he brewed.

Lily hopped up and grabbed the vial from Remus, "I'm going to take this back and see if someone can figure out what it is. In the meantime, make sure he gets some rest and stops being such a reckless numbskull, okay?" She dashed towards the door. Then before ducking out she called back, "Bye Holly! Sorry we woke you up!"

I stared at the two boys standing across from me, "So, are you guys going to tell me how Sirius ended up like that?"

They shrugged, "We were in a fight."

"James, come on, where were you guys that Sirius looks like he got shanked with a poisoned knife?" And then it hit me. James was just brewing a potion in a cauldron, Lily and Remus had just done all sorts of healing spells with wands, obviously wizards don't fight with their fists. "Oh. Magic." James and Remus cracked a smile.

I brought out blankets and pillows for James and Sirius who were sleeping on the couches. Then I followed Remus towards his bedroom. I leaned on the doorframe, clearing my throat to get his attention. "Should I wake them up in a few hours so they can get to work?"

Remus sat on his bed, rubbing his head. "I don't think any of us will be working anymore."

"Wait, why? Did this happen at work? Is that why Peter came and got you?"

"No, no… it's more complicated than that. You've seen the papers, you've heard us talking, haven't you?"

Crossing my arms, I answered, "Remus, you make sure I don't overhear anything worth hearing."

"Well, of course," He smiled, "it is a secret."

"Seriously, Remus? I already AM a secret, it's not like I'm going to go somewhere to tell the press."

He patted the end of his bed so I left my post at the doorframe and sat down, facing him cross-legged. His eyes were squinted as he carefully picked out his wording, "When something is going bad and the government can't or maybe won't do anything to stop it… what happens?"

"Geeze, Remus, I hate politics, I have no idea."

A disapproving look from Remus is worse than any of the ones from my schoolteachers, it wasn't a 'come on you fool' look but more like a 'I know you know and I'm disappointed in you for not trying' look. "Think, Holly, what would you want to do, or want done?"

Thinking it over, I answered, "Well, I'd want to try and stop it myself."

"Exactly."

Oh. So they were all some form of freedom fighters? Isn't that dangerous, I guess it is, I thought as I looked back out towards Sirius' form on the couch. "Remus, is what you guys are doing… illegal?"

A wide smile appeared on Remus' face, "No, of course not. Just think of it this way, we're helping the aurors but we have to be discreet."

I nodded. So, Remus and his friends were in some form of rebel group. Wow. I felt young compared to them. I wasn't doing anything with my life- and here they were trying to put a stop to all the craziness going on in their world. I'd seen it in the paper each time James brought it over- people, families, even the muggles were going missing or dying and everything was reported as 'believed to be the works of you-know-who or his followers.' "So, that's what you're up to on the nights you're out?"

Remus nodded in response, "Yep."

I stood up to head back to my room, but before leaving his, I stopped "Remus?"

"Hmm?"

"So I guess our job search is over?"

The lines on his forehead disappeared when he started laughing, "Yes, Holly, at least for me, it is."

"It's not like I can just walk to town for work…" I continued walking to my room.

Remus knew I could still hear him, "You can decide for yourself after this week."

I didn't answer, I had already reached my room. Out of my window and through the dense wood, I could see that the moon was nearing full.


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I remembered what Remus had said about being animalistic before the full moon, but I never figured I'd actually get so impulsive. I snapped at him and the Marauders and Lily countless times but the most noticeable thing to me was the fact that I could not stop staring at Remus. He had to have noticed that I was constantly checking him out, I chalked it up to the wolf but I told him that I was just amazed about how he still acted normal. In actuality, I was truly noticing his body for the first time. He was much taller than me and the tallest of the Marauders. I had written him off as lanky before, being tall and thin as he was, but Remus was fit. How did I not notice it when we were doing all that work outside on the cabin?

I felt like I had an evil twin pushing me to do whatever I wanted. Granted, things to do were limited in the house, but I was thinking of just walking out, going for a run and not returning. The feeling of entrapment was unbearable, as cozy as this cottage could be, it still felt like a cage.

The worst time I yelled at them was when they came home from a meeting. Peter had greeted me first with a "Bad news, Holly." Turns out, there was some sort of mission the night of the full moon and Remus and I were on our own. They apologized and I flipped out, I hardly remember what I said just that I had thrown a couch pillow told them they may as well have left me for dead last moon since they were doing that to me this month. I had also gotten into James face and said he should scout the woods before coming back the next morning to find whoever else we'd maim. At that point, Lily had grabbed me and dragged me into my room.

"Who the hell do you think you are, Holly Clark? Speaking to them-us- like that?" She slammed the door and most likely cast a silencing spell upon the room. I sat on my bed crossed legged and with crossed arms.

I shrugged.

Lily stayed standing and continued her rant, "Obviously we're worried about you, Holly. None of us meant for this to happen and you never, ever, blamed us before." Her hands were on her hips. "This isn't the only thing we're worried about either. In case you haven't picked up on it, there is a war going on, Holly and we're doing our best to stop some very bad wizards." She crossed her arms now, leant forward a little. "And this group we're working with, they had a LOT of questions about why Remus wasn't joining us on tomorrow's mission. And thankfully things got pushed under the rug, but that doesn't mean we purposely scheduled this for Thursday." Her arms uncrossed, one hand went to her hip and the other pointed in my face. "So you better knock off these hissy fits, Holly, because we're sick of it." She started walking towards the door. "And get a hold of yourself, Holly, we'll ignore it now cause it's your first time, but you don't see Remus acting like this, do you?"

She wrenched my door open, walked out and slammed it shut. I was ticked. But more than ticked off, I was mortified. Yeah, I did make a big deal about how they got to leave and I didn't, how they were doing something and I was just sitting around, and even had snapped at each of them if I caught them looking at me. But I felt like I was entitled to it, something really screwed up is about to happen to me, something I cannot control. It was not my fault and apparently it isn't theirs either. But can't it be someone's fault?

I didn't feel like apologizing. I was upset and scared. When I finally made myself stop being mad at the five other people in the cabin, I realized I was terrified. I deliberately turned my back to the window, sleeping uncomfortably on my right side was better than seeing a huge almost fully round moon out the window before sleeping comfortably on my left.

.:.

The day leading up to the full moon I did not have to worry about being animalistic, my body hurt way too much to think about that. I woke up that morning with all of my muscles tensed. It hurt to stand up and halfway to the bathroom I became overwhelmingly nauseous and unfortunately woke Remus up with my vomiting.

He brought me in a glass of water and I sat leaning against the wall near the toilet, and Remus sat on the ledge of the bathtub. He told me that stretching does wonders for the tense muscles and not to bother trying to eat anything, cause I probably would not be able to keep it down. I groaned and went in for another round of heaving into the toilet, embarrassed that he was seeing me like this.

"It gets better," Remus said as he pushed some hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear, "maybe I shouldn't say that, how about… you get used to it… so, it gets bearable."

He conjured up a pillow and handed it to me, "if you don't think you can make it back to your bed, just crash here, seriously, try to get some sleep."

I took the pillow and put it behind my neck and back, still leaning against the wall. Remus gave a small smile and walked out. Whether cause he needed to go rest himself or just wasn't sure what to do with the sick girl he had trapped in his house, I didn't care because I hated being seen like this. Especially after last night.

I didn't notice that anytime had gone by, but when Remus shook me awake, saying we had to go outside soon I realized I slept the entire day. I felt slightly better, but every muscle in my body felt tensed like a condensed spring.

We went outside and walked very slowly a ways from the cabin, "I'm assuming that we'll stick near each other during the night, being pack animals and all, so tomorrow I'll be able to help you home, especially since James, Sirius, and Peter can't make it tonight." Remus looked up towards the sky which was getting dark much faster than I would like it to, "well, we don't have that much time, so I say we strip down here and hide our clothes up in the tree"

"Strip?" I asked, mortified.

"Well, they tend to rip off, and no amount of needlework ever patches them up enough. I promise I won't look."

"Can't I just wait until right before?" I felt like such a child, I was practically stomping my feet as I whined to him. His answer came in such a tone that I didn't even bother to respond.

"Once you feel it coming, you won't be able to do much of anything. Trust me."

I nodded, swallowing deeply, fearful. We turned our backs on each other and undressed. My heart was hammering in my chest and I found that my nerves were making it very difficult to breathe. Remus' voice sounded like an echo when it finally reached my ears, "You may as well sit. I've found I like to start out on the ground rather than fall to it."

I didn't even care about the dirt, it wouldn't matter anyways, plus I was too preoccupied wishing my hair was a little longer so that it could at least cover my breasts like the depictions of the Biblical Eve. Of all things to worry about when no one was sure about my survival, when all I had to do was hope. I gingerly lowered myself to the ground, my body still hurt tremendously. As I sat there in the grass and twigs, grimacing from the anticipation of pain, I felt something warm cover my hand. I looked to the side and saw it was Remus' hand. He squeezed it with gentle reassurance.

We sat like that for what I wish was ages, but too soon, the moonlight hit the clearing. I gasped as I felt paralyzed, I don't even think I could describe the pain, it was all I could think of and as it amplified I let go of Remus' hand and retched to my side then layed down on the earth, as I felt my bones begin to crack I passed out from the intensity of the pain.

A jabbing in my shoulder woke me up the next morning. As I went to roll over to see who was bugging a few things occurred to me: I hurt, a lot, I was naked, I hurt, I was on the dirt, and I hurt. Normally my gut reaction would be to cover myself as much as I could, but the soreness of my limbs prevented that, thankfully I lay on my stomach.

"I promise I'm not looking."

I craned my neck to see Remus, wrapped in a shabby blanket, standing with his back to me, one hand covering his eyes, the other extending a threadbare wizarding robe backwards towards me. I slowly got to my feet, struggling to do so, having to crawl a little until I got enough leverage to stand then staggered over and wrapped myself in the robe he had been holding. "'K, I'm decent."

We walked towards the cabin very slowly. I poked my thumbs through some holes in the sleeves, "So where did you get these from?"

"There's some sort of covering every ten yards or so throughout this forest. It's mostly stuff I've destroyed in transformations. I just stash them up in a tree and look for them wherever I wake up."

I didn't say much in response, I was exhausted and I ached all over. I don't think I'll ever get a sense of direction in these woods, everything was so unfamiliar because I was cooped up in the house all day long. I knew we must have been getting close because Remus reached out and held my elbow to steer me towards the house before I felt the urge to walk away from Lily's charms. He opened up the door to me and suddenly I could see the cabin. Before I could make it through the threshold, I was grabbed by Lily. "Oh, Merlin! Holly! Are you okay? How are you feeling? I was SO worried!"

Her enveloping hug was painful to say the least but the warmth and friendship of it was so nice that I didn't complain. I wanted to just lean down into her shoulder and cry because at this very moment it hit me. I had no idea what happened last night. None. At first, I woke up under this dazed impression that I had just had a horrendous sleep filled with nightmares, but upon hearing of Lily's worry, I realized that I was something to be worried about. It was frightening.

Remus' sarcastic tone finally managed to get Lily to let go of me, "Gee, Lily, you never act this way towards me, guess you'll never stop begrudging the fact that I'm a Marauder?"

"Oh, shut your mouth, you! Unless you don't want any of the bacon and eggs I made." She dashed back into the kitchen area, flicking her wand about and I could see the plates on the table piling up with food. "Surely, you two must be starved. I had no clue how much to make, especially since I don't know when James and Sirius will be done their watch." A quick look of worry flicked across her face and she looked at her watch ever so slightly. "Peter and I got back too late last night to see you before… Oh, Holly, I'm sorry I yelled at you! I meant everything I said of course, but I'm still so sorry!"

While Lily continued her rambling, Remus and I tucked into the breakfast she had prepared. I ate voraciously, I hadn't even realized how hungry I was until after I got my first taste and then I was just insatiable. With the overwhelming hunger, I forgot about the pains in my body.

I was so busy shoving my mouth full of bacon, I never heard James or Sirius arrive. It wasn't until I was reaching to put more eggs onto my plate that I realized there was no noise besides my chewing. I looked around to see four eyes wide watching me. I swallowed as I felt my face flushing.

"Want to save some for the rest of us, Hol?" Sirius let out a bark like laugh.

"Oh, come on! I haven't eaten for over a day now! I'm positively ravenous!" Unflattering spittle of scrambled egg burst from my mouth as I exclaimed this.

James burst into a fit of laughter, hunched over the table.

Peter showed up when I finally stopped eating, or maybe before and I didn't notice. They began to recount their tale of last night; I was exhausted and could hardly focus on their words, something about nocturnal, curses, and deatheaters. I must have nodded off at the table, because I woke up to James picking me up. I didn't object as he carried me to my room. After setting me down on the bed, he checked to see that I was okay, closing any cuts and making sure my bones had set back to their human form properly. I mumbled thanks. He unfolded a blanket over me, tucking in the edges- probably like how his parents must have done for him. I was asleep before James left the room.


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

I don't know how long I slept. It could have been hours or days. When I finally pushed myself to a standing position and slowly walked out towards the bathroom I saw that Remus was still asleep. The clock in the kitchen read half past three. Despite my growling stomach, I headed straight for the bathroom. I soaked and scrubbed all the dirt off my body, emptying and refilling the tub three times, the soreness eking from my body into the hot water. When I finally emerged and dried off, I inspected myself in the mirror. I still looked the same. I mean, it was definitely me I was looking at, I hadn't gone wild or savage overnight. Strangely, I had expected that – no, wanted that. To be able to see that I was a monster in addition to knowing it.

My only memories of the night before were of the transformation. The pain. I think I threw up. What else had I done? Was I still a monster if I had no memory of being one?

Yes.

I could try to remain blissfully ignorant, but the scarring on my leg was a reminder that despite looking human, there was something just as ugly under the surface. Screw inner beauty, that can't possibly apply anymore.

I took a deep breath and began looking at the raised scratch marks on my body. Slightly pink, they seemed to be mostly on my sides. As I turned and looked over my shoulder, I found even more on my back, along with uglier marks. Bites.

A knock on my door jolted me out of the starring contest I was having with my reflection. I wrapped up in a towel and pulled the door open to become face to bare chest with Remus Lupin. I took a step back, startled.

"You okay?" His voice, though always deep was different, rougher. My voice was similarly hoarse when I tried to reply. I settled on a mere nod instead.

He gestured towards the interior of the bathroom, I responded with a weak, "All yours."

I looked at him a bit longer before moving out of the way. He seemed puzzled at my silence, especially since I had talked so much more the morning after. "You sure you're okay, Holly?"

I didn't answer this time, instead rushing towards my room and slamming the door. I wasn't okay. I was never going to be okay. I had attempted to come to terms with this while in the tub, but upon seeing him- inspecting him- I realized I may claim I could be okay. But I couldn't, not when I was not nearly as okay as Remus. Not when Remus didn't have near the amount of new marks on his body as I did.

Initially when I bumped into him, I noticed just how pervasive the markings were on his body. But they were thin, and white, and old. Just minutes prior, I had been observing the fresh scratches on my body- had Remus woken up from this night with no injuries? Did that mean that my injuries came from him?

A part of me was disgusted that in addition to turning me, Remus had scarred me as well. A tiny competitive part of me was disgusted that I hadn't made any observable marks upon Remus.

But all I knew that I did not want to get out of bed. I laid there and just stared out the window ignoring Remus when he knocked, when he asked if I was okay through the door, and even when he eventually barged down the door. About which, somewhere in the back of my head, I laughed. He had seemed rather embarrassed when I turned my head and stared at him with as much hatred as I could muster, with one hand nervously scratching the back of his head he mumbled a sorry and rushed back out into the living area. A bit later I heard him talking with another voice in the room. I didn't bother to hear who it was or what they were saying. I just needed to sit here and not think.

Not think about what happened last night. Not think anything about what I was. Just to focus on the trees outside the window. The cotton sheet beneath my head.

My door opened again. Remus wasn't the one barging in this time. I sat up immediately and spread my arms wide, welcoming the gigantic black dog that had run and jumped onto my bed, tail up high and wagging away.

I didn't realize had been crying until the dog was licking my tears off my cheeks. I was ecstatic. The number one way to cheer anyone up is with a dog. This crazy mongrel was wiggling about wagging his tail and licking my face. I began to laugh and scratch him behind the ears, petting the dog all over until he finally settled down and sat.

It wasn't long until I started talking to it. The dog panting and shifting around so that I scratched all his favorite spots. "Where did he find you, puppy?" I looked up and saw my door had been shut again. "I didn't want to talk to anyone at all today- but you don't count, do you, pooch?" It's tail thumped as it wagged against my bed, and it hopped up and licked my chin. I moved my face out of the way, laughing and pushing the dog back down. "You're silly, aren't you? Silly enough to get me smiling again. Silly enough not to care what I am." The dog just continued wagging its tail. "I guess I'm one of your cousins now, huh? You're a big fella, maybe you could join our pack." Another attack of slobber came and then the dog rolled over onto its back. As I gave a belly rub, I continued talking, telling the dog all about how scared I was, more scared than I was before the full moon, how I was so confused because I didn't remember anything, and how my skin was mottled with marks and how the one person who I knew was in this with me had given me those marks. And just how very angry I was at that one person right now.

When I was most upset, my hands happened upon that magic spot that makes a dogs hind leg rapidly kick. I laughed while the dog squirmed then rolled over and pounced on me. I wasn't crying anymore and had cheered up considerably. "Hey pup, you should stay here. I'll convince Remus to keep you since he killed my other dog." The dogs ears shot up and he stared at me, I realized what I said and corrected myself a bit, "well, he didn't mean to, and we'd make sure you were safe of course. I wouldn't let anything happen to you, puppy."

I didn't feel silly at all talking to this dog. He made me feel so much better and eventually I was back to being silent, petting the dog and sitting up on my bed. Just smiling as the dog licked my other hand.

I fell asleep that way, finally relaxed and especially exhausted after crying. I woke up when I felt the bed move. I didn't want the dog to leave. There's something about a pet that just gives you sanity. I needed it.

I opened my eyes to see not big, fuzzy black dog, but a smiling Sirius sitting cross legged where the dog had just been. In the soft light I noticed the scar above his eye from when the group had brought him back injured from their 'fight,' it suited him.

"Sirius! When did you get here? Where'd you put the dog? What are you doing on my bed?"

He burst out laughing and I found myself smiling too. It was hard not to join Sirius in happiness.

"I came to see how you were,Holly. Moony was worried sick. Said you wouldn't answer him and were practically catatonic so I came over to cheer you up."

I sat up a little straighter, trying to overcome my embarrassment. "If you bring back that dog Remus let in here. That'll cheer me up."

Sirius laughed again, "Really?" he asked. I nodded and he winked.

Then, before my eyes, Sirius' form shifted from that of a teenage boy to the enormous black dog I had been with earlier.

The dog's tail wagging furiously behind it, and it whined a little as it cocked its head to the side, looking me in the eye the entire time. I spazzed out. A mixture of shock at the magic that happened right in front of me and the fact that his eyes were the same dark grey, and when I really thought about it, his hair and the dogs fur were the same as well. I guess I should have known. I'd never formally met Padfoot but I did know that Sirius had to have had that nickname for a reason.

I laughed again and went to pet Sirius behind the ears right as he went to go on a licking spree again. We bonked heads and he started sneezing, "You got the sniffles, puppy?" I asked, rubbing the dog's- Sirius'- snout.

He changed back and laid back on my bed. "Hope you aren't pissed that I didn't stop you from blabbering all that stuff to me earlier but I know how much a dog can cheer someone up."

"You helped for sure, I'm just curious about one thing…" I leaned over and Sirius looked up at me, one eyebrow arched. "… do you have that same tickle spot?"

I lunged over and reached for his side but he blocked me. In an instant, he had both my wrists clamped in one of his hands, the other shaking a finger in my face, "Tsk, tsk, Holly my dear, that is for me to know, and you to never find out."

I stood up now, ready to face everything again. Or at least just ready to eat. "Come on, you hound dog, let's get something to eat." I went towards the door and Sirius stopped me again, with a hand on my shoulder he turned me to face him.

"One thing first."

And with that Sirius Black drew me into a tight hug. I wrapped my arms around him in a delayed and somewhat shocked response. It was the first hug I had had since being here, and possibly the closest contact I've had with any of these new characters in my life, and it felt so good. With a final squeeze, Sirius released me and walked me to the table where Remus sat.

"Hey." I said as I sat down, not sure what to say at all. The old me would have said sorry, but something in me had changed. "Remember how I was going to decide about job hunting later? Well, I think I'll put that off a few more months."

Remus smiled in response and handed me the front page of the Daily Prophet. I began to scan the headlines, "Hey Remus, where'd you find that dog from earlier? Before you made Sirius wake me up? Cause he was great, we should totally keep him."

He peered over his part of the newspaper, "Really? I was worried he might have fleas."

Sirius spat out his juice, "I absolutely do not have fleas!"

I saw very little of the Marauders and Lily over the next few days. I decided that I needed to pick up a hobby, or learn a new skill. Braiding my hair was absolutely failing, since I inevitably would forget which strand I should pull over and then restart. The vegetable patch behind the cabin was flourishing, but there was no need to take up canning since the Marauders ate like Hungry Hungry Hippos.

Out of all of my new friends, Peter was the one who noticed I was bored and tried to help. He brought me over seedlings to start growing raspberry and blueberry bushes along the side of the house. I unnecessarily tend to them multiple times a day. After he realized that the garden didn't busy me all day, he showed up with a large cardboard box patterned with bright orange, pink, and yellow flowers. He dropped it off on the couch and wiping his hands off on each other, he announced, "I found this and a bunch more while cleaning out my great aunts stuff from our basement. Now, I don't know if you sew or not, but if you're interested, there's tons more fabric where this came from. And my mum doesn't bother with much at all anymore since my dad passed, so I'm sure I can get you a machine and some instruction books if you'd like…"

I had never sewn before, or even shown interest. But Peter's effort made me want to try. It was all so sweet I pulled him into a quick hug before he could finish his ramble. "It's wonderful, Pete! Once I figure out what I'm doing, you'll be the first person I make something for. I promise! Even if it is just a tie or shoe laces, it'll be yours!"

I spent the next few days picking out patterns and fabrics, cutting the pieces just to size, and then staring at the sewing machine Pete had dropped off that morning. He had set it down on the table where we normally ate, then wiping his hands off on each other told me, "I have no clue how it works, but my mother did use it to adjust all my school robes to fit me each year, so it definitely can function. I just don't know how," He tiddled his fingers about the side of the machine, "I think that the thread goes in here then you use your foot with this thing to make it go."

He rambled on, trying to come up with some instructions for me until James showed up and shooed Peter out saying they needed a sneakier set of ears somewhere. As soon as Pete heard he was needed, he forgot entirely about our conversation, and began patting his pockets – in a way I could tell that he was making sure he was ready to go whilst also trying to remember what exactly he was doing previously. With another thank you I handed him and James two rolls I had made the night before and waved them out of the door.

When I had no more excuses to postpone it, I approached the sewing machine and sat before it. It was so small but so imposing, how was I supposed to thread it? I found a spool of thread that matched the brown in the fabric and went to put it on the small dock at the top of the machine but before I could place it there, it shot back at me and the sewing machine started up.

I definitely did not push the pedal and I don't think that if I had, the machine would be bouncing about the way it was. Whoever had owned it before- Peter's mother, right?- had bewitched it. She had made it a spool shooting demon. I jumped up and fled the room, hiding in my bedroom as I could hear the thumping of the machine against the table.

I did my best to ignore the sounds of the crazed sewing machine as I read in bed. Eventually it stopped but a steady humming let me know that wherever it was, it was ready to attack. If I felt silly for being scared of a sewing machine before, I did not anymore. This cabin was filled with things I would never believed before, werewolves, wizards, Sirius turning into a dog and back again, and I'm pretty sure that all of those books on the shelves contained what I would have thought nonsense before.

That evening, the door to the cabin opened and the sewing machine's hum grew louder as it thumped around towards its new victim. A few more sounds followed this: a shout of surprise, a clammer of the sewing machine advancing forward, a spell, an explosion, and the sound of small metal parts scattered about the floor.

I peeked out my door and saw Remus looking terribly confused, wand drawn- looking from me to the mess on the floor and back again.

"My hero!" I called out jokingly and ran forward, stopping to dramatically put the back of my palm to my forehead. "I've been hiding from this beast all day because it tried to slay me." I overdramatically fell back onto the couch.

He laughed a little and waved his wand again to send the pieces zooming off into the waste bin. "So I take it you've given up sewing?"

I nodded vigorously and he burst out laughing once more.


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

That evening was the first time I had seen Remus for more than five minutes in the past three weeks. I whipped up a quick chicken dinner and as we sat at the table, I finally asked what had been bugging me. "So… I couldn't help but notice that after that night you didn't seem to have any fresh marks on you whereas I was riddled with them." Well, I guess that's not much of an 'ask' but much more of an 'awkward statement.'

Remus stopped mid chew and looked at me, his gaze taking in the exposed skin on my arms and the marks upon them, most likely extrapolating their presence there to the rest of my body. After taking a large swallow he began speaking, "I'm so sorry Holly, those are definitely in-line with a werewolf's claws. But they do seem small…"

I wasn't quite sure what he was getting at, but I knew that the marks on my back were most definitely not small. Quickly, and somewhat angrily, I stood up, turned around and lifted the back of my shirt partly, exposing the thick white scars. I jumped when I felt Remus' hand on the small of my back, his fingers lightly running in a slant across my skin.

Turning around, I saw him- hand still raised but not his head. "I'm sorry… I didn't even realize."

I didn't say anything, just sat back down to my dinner. I didn't hear Remus eating anymore, so I looked up from my plate once more. He was watching me and as soon as we made eye contact, he asked, "Can I…?" while motioning towards my arm.

I nodded, extending my arm towards him. I watched as he held his hand up, fingers curled like claws and arranged them on the marks upon my arm. Remus' fingers didn't match the set of scratches he was on, his jaw tightened and he moved onto another set which did fit, but the next on did not fit either. He stopped and looked up at me, "I didn't do all of these, and … well, from personal experience, I think… it might have been you."

I just looked back at him, "Me?"

He nodded, not just to say yes, but also in a 'go ahead' fashion. I curled my fingers as he had done, arranging them so that they were not spread apart but not clamped together. I knew before my hand even reached my other arm, they were my own. I had maimed my own self. "Really?" I asked, even though I already knew that the response should be, 'yes, really.'

"Holly, you know, you're new, so I think that has something to do with it."

I finally returned to my meal, thinking about this. After a few bites, I began to question again, "How so?"

I could just see the cogs turning in Remus' head, he was searching for the perfect explanation. I knew that whatever he said would make me understand. He put down his fork and held up his hand. "Holly, what is this?"

"Your hand…?"

"Yes! And you know that why?"

"Because its attached to you."

"Okay, and you know me so it logically makes sense," He leaned over and grabbed my hand by the wrist, lifting it in front of my face. "And what is this?"

"My hand."

He smiled, "And how do you know?"

"Because it's my hand, Remus."

"Yes, true, but it is also attached to you. But what about when you were a baby, did you know – or would you have known- that your hand was your own?"

"Umm… yeah?"

His eyebrow arched, "Really?"

"Yes, really!" Then I thought about it, "Well, maybe not."

"So as a wolf, you didn't recognize your own hand- or paw, whatever- and on instinct you attack, it just so happens to be yourself." His point completed he let go of my hand, which I had forgotten he was holding and set his own hands folded on the table. "Just like how a dog chases its own tail, it doesn't realize its his own."

"Do you think I chased my tail? Oh my, Remus, do I have a tail?"

.:.

That evening's dinner was the last time I saw Remus before the next full moon. I do not know what they did all day and night, but he looked in worse shape than myself when he came barreling into the house the afternoon before the full moon, probably an hour before moon rise. I was not as ill as I had felt last time, and instead was just sleeping on the couch- not next to the toilet like last time.

He threw open the door and rushed to his room, shouting out sentences and questions without waiting for a reply. "So sorry – completely lost track of time – just a second – how are you feeling? – do you know where that one cloak of mine went?"

When he came back into the room I turned my head- with all the energy I could muster- and answered, "It's okay, thankfully you didn't, sure, yucky, and hanging on the peg by the back door."

He rushed to the back and grabbed the dirty brown cloak – of which I oddly knew he was referring to by 'that one cloak'. "You feel yucky? The thesaurus is on the far shelf, Holly."

I rolled over to face the inside of the cushions, "Ugh! I feel yucky Remus, I don't want to think of any fancier words."

A chuckle and an arm forcibly rolling me back over was his response. After begrudgingly opening my eyes and making eye contact, he pointed at the clock and then to the window, "Come on, we've got to get moving, the guys will be here any minute, too."

"'The guys'?" I inquired while pulling myself off the couch gingerly.

"Yeah, they weren't here last month, but somehow we all wiggled our way out of duties tonight." He opened the door and with an exaggerated sweeping motion towards the woods outside he added, quite sarcastically, "Except Pete and Lily, but no doubt they'll be here tomorrow morning to make a fuss over your well being."

I responded as I exited, "Only because I'm the victim… and you're the monster." Then, turned to face Remus, giving him an obnoxious wink to solidify that it was all in jest.

We walked forward in silence until we stood at what seemed to be the same place as last time- at least it smelled familiar. "Are they going to be here when we change?"

"Clothes or bodies?" Remus responded while turning to pull off his shirt.

"Both, dumby! I already feel like I'll be sick, so don't joke with me. I'm just kind of embarrassed about it, you know. I don't really want them to see…"

"Holly. They lied when they said they were respectful the night we all met, they've seen it all."

"Remus! Seriously. I'm talking more about the transformation than the nudity. And please tell me you guys haven't chatted about my body."

Remus was laughing, it was strange to see him acting this way when I knew he must be as tensed up as I was. His eyes were still as light and happy as normal, though his body was not. "Fine, Holly, I don't know when they'll get here. Probably before but they'll stay out of sight, because, well, they know I'm embarrassed about it as well. And I can't help what my friends talk about."

Before I could reply, Remus and I both simultaneously bent over in pain. Remus hastily stripped down as I fumbled with my shirt, unable to remove it as I curled up onto myself. I hit the ground with a thud, biting my lip to keep from crying out.

I didn't pass out this time. Oh I wanted to, but I remained fully conscious for all of the pain. I scrunched my eyes shut because if I had to feel, I sure as hell did not want to see too. When the pain stopped I had a brief instant of relief but instantly everything went blank as I lost myself to the wolf.

.:.

I woke up first this time, sniffing out that there were three people- Remus, Sirius, and James- nearby. Peeking out from under my eyelids, I saw that Remus was facedown to my left, James was sprawled out past a tree to the front and left, and Sirius was about an arm's length away to my right- still in his giant mutt form. I stood up quietly and cautiously, both to avoid waking the boys as well as to avoid overtaxing my aching body, walked until I found clothes in a tree. I tugged down the hem of the grey sweatshirt, making sure it covered me and then walked back to where we were to throw the frayed tartan sleeping bottoms on top of Remus. He didn't move. I went over towards James and nudged his leg with my foot, he rolled over muttering about giving him 'just ten more minutes.' Sirius was much easier to wake, I barely nudged him before he perked up, ears alert looking around. When he saw me and the others, his tail thumped and he stood up and stretched out. Midway through a giant yawn he turned back into Sirius the person.

He gestured to my sweatshirt, "Where are your shorts, Holly?"

I scrunched up my face at the memory of being too late to change out of my clothes. He smirked, and pulled out some fabric from his pockets, "Oh wait, I've got them right here. I do wish you wouldn't leave your dirty laundry all over the forest floor, Hol"

I snatched them out of his hands and undid the tangle of fabric. My shirt and shorts unraveled into just shreds of fabric. "Oh, bollucks."

Sirius took them back, looking at me through the holes in the shirt, "Well, you could still wear them or you could use the scraps and make a quilt, didn't you take up sewing?"

"Oh, shut up, Sirius!" Then with a gesture towards the practically comatose Remus and snoozing James, "Can you wake them?"

Sirius changed back into a dog and ran, tail up and wagging, to James and began covering his face in big, wet, licks. James instantly sat up, one hand trying to cover his face, the other pushing Sirius away, "Ugh, gross Padfoot, stop. Stopp!"

Sirius bounded away, and pounced on Remus, pawing at his back. Remus went to roll over, but realized I was there and sat up with his back to me to put the pajama bottoms on. He stood up and nodded at me, "All right, Holly?"

I nodded and we walked back to the house. A note from Lily on the table let James and Sirius know they were needed and they left after making sure Remus and I were okay. Remus wasn't hungry and disappeared behind his door to sleep. Though my bed would have been more comfortable, the thought of missing seeing anyone- especially after spending most of the past month alone- was more daunting than not getting some rest, Exhausted as well, I curled up on the couch and fell asleep.


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

I felt like I was underwater, semi-awake, too tired to be fully conscious, and everything sounded like it was in a tunnel. Lily's voice echoed through saying something about not waking someone up. I tried to lift my head to see who she was talking to, but I felt like my head weighed roughly as much as an anvil. I wasn't getting off this couch anytime soon.

Or so I thought.

I howled and tried to move whenever a large amount of pressure was put on the back of my knees. Everything became clear once more and the first words I heard were "Peter, you dolt! You sat on Holly!"

His apologies were many and incomprehendable as he jumped up off of me. I grabbed my head as a splitting ache went between my eyes, rolling over and curling into the couch. In a flash, Lily was forcing my head up and tilting medicine- potions- down my throat. "Shh.. Holly, Peter will put you in your room, you need to sleep."

"Noo," I grumbled, "I haven't seen you guys in so long, Iwanttohangout"

Lily looked sympathetic but she made me drink the last potion, most likely the sleeping one, anyways. I went back to the groggy world of sleep and only returned to the cabin hours and hours later to find it empty once more.

As my head cleared, I walked towards the kitchen, on the table was a steaming plate of eggs and sausages. I read the note from Lily as I ate,

Holly,

Sorry dear, but I had to make you sleep. We'll be gone for a while – definitely overnight- I can't say much but there are some promising leads. Hope you are feeling better. Relax and don't burn your fingers on the plate- just leave it until the warming charm wears off.

Lily & all

Curious, I tapped the plate with my fingers, it wasn't burning hot- not even that warm anymore. Had I been asleep that long? Not that I cared, the longer I slept, the less I would have to wait for them to come home.

I showered to wash the grime off of me from the full moon. Just like the time before, I inspected myself in the mirror. What had once been raised red lines were shrunken to thinning white scars, but there was little or nothing new on myself. Had it really made that much of a difference that James and Sirius were there? What had they done to protect me?

I pondered this as I got dressed and picked out another book from the shelf. I couldn't concentrate on the words, so instead stared out the front window waiting for their return.

I was nodding off, fighting to keep my chin off of my chest and my eyes open, when I heard it. As usual, the 'CRACK!' that signaled the arrival of Remus and company made me jump out of my skin, but it was so welcome that I jumped off the couch and ran and opened the door for them.

Lily was the first through the door and I jumped her with a huge hug, which she immediately shrugged off to scold me, "Holly! Never, never just fling open the door like that if you don't know its us! It could have been death eaters, Holly!"

Taken aback I stepped away to make room for the four boys to enter the cabin. Everyone looked ragged. Shutting the door behind them I mumbled, "I'm sorry, I didn't- … I was just – "

Remus, who probably was the only one to distinguish the words I was mumbling, answered, "I know, we missed being home, too." Everyone relaxed and I was able to smile a little.

I hurried into the kitchen, offering to make them food when James waved me off, "Holly, don't be such a house elf, we grabbed food at the meeting."

I went to sit on the couch again, "Sooo, how'd everything go?" I cautiously asked.

Lily's answer explained her outburst. There had been a string of killings and disappearances in London. All of which were linked to having family members or friends being imper-a-somethinged. The group they worked with had picked up some leads on where the people had been jinxed. They had spent several watches trying to find the wizard behind it, but despite their slyest efforts, nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

Sirius groaned from his spot in the chair, "and the worst part was I spent about twelve hours in a pub and had absolutely nothing to drink. Pleasee tell me you have firewhiskey here Moony, please."

Remus shook his head as James rolled his eyes, then they all entered into a debate about whose stakeout position was worse. I finally interrupted to ask if they had found any clues to which they all shrugged. James said that some people had more exciting days, and had actually broken people out of the curses. But between all of the members, not much had happened. Their meeting had erupted into a major fight about the lack of productivity from their Order. Apparently, as Sirius put it, some members were not too happy about how little action they'd seen and thought that their plans needed to be rethought.

"Either way, with all that arguing, Dumbledore said we'd get some time to relax while him and the higher ups make better tactics." Peter burst out, clearly happy to have some down time.

The rest of the group was a mix of frustration and relief. I could visibly tell that James and Sirius were not content to sit around while someone else made plans, Remus, however, looked exhausted and the idea of a night off was greatly welcomed.

The group chatted some more, but when they realized Remus had fallen asleep on the couch and that I was nodding off as well, they ushered us off to our beds and headed home for rest they needed, too.

.:.

The following morning, Sirius woke me up by excitedly ripping my top sheet off of me and shouting, "Get up, Holly, we're going to the lake!"

I rolled over throwing the pillow over my head, only to be thwarted by Sirius grabbing my ankles and pulling me off of the bed. I hit the ground with a thump, and then another thump when my swimsuit and bath towel were dumped upon me by James, with a cheery yet sarcastic, "Good morning!"

"Oh. My. Gosh." I said as I rolled over to face them, "I. Hate. – "

"Before you finish that sentence, Holly, you did hear me when I said that we were going to the lake?" Sirius asked, leaning down into my face.

I rolled back over to my stomach, then it clicked, "Wait, we're leaving the cabin?" I murmured against the floorboards.

"Yes, so would you put this on already?" Sirius dropped my swimsuit on top of me, then gave a light slap to my bum. "And some shorts might help, too."

"Argh, Sirius, I hate you."

Despite my annoyance at Remus' friends, when I stood up I got changed into my swimming suit. Then I was in a panic about what else I should bring, I went out into the cabin and saw that only Remus and Sirius remained. It had been ages since I left the cabin, and all I ever wore inside of it was junky tops and occasionally shorts (when I was in the presence of other people), I had no idea what I should wear over my suit or if I should bring anything. I asked several times, then would rush back into my room and change, throw something new into my bag, then go back out and repeat my question of what I needed. Remus had groaned after each time, his responses had initially been, "I don't know, Holly" and "whatever you want." Then they had grown impatient, "no one cares, Holly, just put on anything" to "you don't need anything, just yourself" to "clothes, Holly, wear clothes."

I had grown impatient at his fifth response, and sarcastically snapped back, "Really, Remus, I was considering going in the buff. Thanks for helping me narrow down my options!"

Remus glanced pointedly at his wristwatch, so I rushed back into my room and found a blue-green wrap skirt and pulled it on, tucking in my white blouse. I got caught up fixing myself in the mirror, I turned this way and that, trying to see if I had gained any sort of shape. I fiddled with my hair, I had meant to get it cut before being taken here and it was past my shoulder blades. Maybe Lily would help me out.

An over exaggerated sigh snapped me out of my reverie. My thick brown hair would just lay however it wanted, I grabbed my bag and walked back out, "So how are we getting there?"

"We aren't going anywhere, doll."

"I thought we were going to the lake?"

"Well, yes, but you need to find yourself some shoes first." He pointed down at my bare feet.

I ran back into my room and dug around under my bed, "Remus! Where did I put my flip flops?"

I found them before he could answer, but I did hear him mutter to Sirius, "Women." I slid them on while hopping back into the sitting room, making sure to bop Remus on the head when I passed him. Sirius laughed and pulled me outside.

In front of the cabin a gorgeous black and chrome motorcycle was leaning up against a tree. I ran over to it amazed, then turned back to Sirius, "Is this yours?"

"No, Holly, it grew there." He rolled his eyes, "Of course its mine."

It suited him perfectly, the long dark hair, the motorcycle. If it was colder out, I bet he had a leather jacket. Sirius hopped on, then handed me a helmet. I eagerly shoved it on my head and hopped on behind him then turned to Remus and looked back at Sirius, "Are we all riding this?"

Remus answered quickly, "There is no way, I am getting on that with Sirius. I'm travelling a different way. I'll see you two there." He waved and then walked a little ways away, and with an almost imperceptible spin, vanished with a loud crack. Shocked, I grabbed Sirius, "Where did he go?"

He leaned back, looking at me over his shoulder, "To the lake, of course." He ignored my question of "But, how…?", as the answer was obviously magic, and kicked the bike into gear and we rode out of the dense woods. He expertly wove his way between the trees and soon enough we met a road. We drove southbound for a while and then he turned to me again, "Ready?"

I had no idea for what, and hoped that he was not going to make us vanish like Remus had, so I just nodded. He reached back and smacked his fist on top of my head and a strange feeling, as though an egg had been cracked on my skull, ran down my spine. He then muttered something nonsensical and the bike seemed to appear more translucent. I looked at my own arms, wrapped around Sirius and saw that they looked that way, too. Sirius smiled at me, not a care in the world about any traffic and I saw him do the same thing to himself.

Now, just blurs, we sped down the highway. "Cool, isn't it?"

I nodded, then realized he couldn't see me behind him. I leaned forward and talked in his ear, "Very."

He laughed, "It gets better, hang on tight."

Right when I had firmed up my grasp on his waist, he kicked another pedal and tilted the bike up. I looked down and realized that the bike wasn't on the road anymore. We were off the ground and speeding ahead at an unimaginable pace. Terrified of heights, I smashed my face into Sirius' back, clinging for dear life. I could hear and feel him laughing as we tore across the sky.

It was possibly the worst quarter hour of my life. I didn't care how fast we went, it could not end soon enough. When Sirius lowered and landed the bike on a empty road, I loosened my grip of one of my arms and began slapping his back like a child. "Sirius Black. I hate you SO much right now. You stop this bike this instant."

He howled in laughter and pulled off to the berm. I jumped off the bike and immediately sat in the grassy landscaping along the road. Holding onto the blades of grass with my fingers and generally soaking up the feeling of being on the ground, I eventually relaxed.

When I opened my eyes, Sirius was sitting on the side of his bike, a grin from ear to ear. I scowled, "I still hate you. You gave me no warning. None."

He sauntered over to me and reached out his hand, pulling me up to stand. His eyes were grey, dark grey. He looked at me intensely and then said, "Holly Clark, I am sorry I upset you. But I'm going to need you to get back on this bike and let me get you to lake. And when we get there, I am going to need Lily to give me a medical examination because I'm pretty sure you crushed my ribs." Through the last sentence his facial expression changed from serious to entirely joking, his smile creeping up and lightening all his features.

Laughing, I poked him in the side, "You deserved it." I climbed back onto the motorcycle. "And Remus is getting hell for this, too."

We sped off down the road. After parking the bike, Sirius led me down the path, "By the way, Lily has a roommate that'll be here, and you should be very discreet about how you met us with, if you know what I mean. Just say that you live in Remus' village or something." Before I could nod to agree or ask what exactly I was supposed to say, we turned a corner and Sirius shouted hello to a group of five people .

A beautiful dark haired girl was the first to wave back. She had a twiggy cut, maybe even shorter and freckles across her nose and face. She jumped up and ran over, "Come on, took you long enough!" She hugged Sirius and he winced, I guess I really did crush him and when I went to extend my hand in greeting, she jumped forward and hugged me as well, "You must be Holly! It's great to finally meet you! I'm Alice."

She dashed back to the group on the shore, gesturing us to follow. They all waved a cheery hello, genuine smiles of greeting on James and Peters face, but on Remus' it looked to be a little more mischievous. I waved back to James and Peter than turned to Remus, pointing "Do not even smile at me, mister. You could have at least warned me." Then I turned towards Lily and Alice to say hello.

It was still warm and the sun was wonderful, Lily's legs were stretched out and she was propped up on her elbows, next to her Alice was laying on her stomach, feet kicking about in the air.

Alice smiled, "So, Lily tells me you live in Remus' village up in the north?"

I nodded. I had no idea what back story they had conjured for me. Alice continued, "Its funny about your little brother, huh? Must've explained a lot of things."

Lily looked over, making direct eye contact and hardly whispering, "go with it, your little magical brother"

"OH!" I blushed, "yeah, it sure explained a lot. I thought it was weird that he went to a boarding school." Lily gave me a come on, that's all you got look from over Alice's shoulder. I shrugged. I was a terrible liar. "Alice, do tell me about yourself, were you in the same dorm as all of them?"

The more Alice spoke, the more I liked her. There was something so perky and kindergarten teacher about her voice. Coupled with her huge smile, she was just the most friendly person I had met in a while. "Lily and I were dorm mates, the only two Gryffindor females in our year."

Laughing, Lily added, "Not that you spent much time in our room, Alice."

She turned bright red and Lily continued, "Alice spent all our years at Hogwarts being one member of one of the most thoroughly boring couples in the school. What'd you do, sit in the common room next to him while he played chess for five years?"

"And oh, don't even start, Lily. The best thing that ever happened to me was his graduation and subsequent dumping of me. I got to actually hang out with you and now I've moved onto much better things."

Lily rolled her eyes, then pulled her sunglasses back down and laid back to sunbathe, "Alice is dating another order member, Frank, and she's absolutely smitten."

Alice and I continued to chat while Lily relaxed. I learned that Alice was an only child of pureblood heritage. She was hoping that she could be a healer but as she put it "there's no time for that now, what with, you-know-who"

Too embarrassed to explain my confusion on this you-know-who business, I nodded rapidly, of course! A loud Crack! signaled the arrival of Frank. He looked entirely disheveled but exceedingly handsome. He was tall with well-kept black hair, a long face but an obvious boyish chubbiness still left in his cheeks. He walked quickly over to give Alice a kiss then greeted me with a strong handshake and a "so which one of these mongrels do you belong with?"

I was taken aback but Peter spoke up, "We're drawing straws for her later, do you want in, Frank?" I laughed it off entirely and then helped Frank pass out the butterbeers he had arrived with.

The morning was quite the event, while Lily, Alice, and I relaxed the boys got the day started off right by chucking Peter into the water and then promptly all diving in and making a racket. Eventually they came out and we sat around and ate sandwiches for lunch. While we ate, stories were swapped about their school days. Finally with an outsiders perspective, I could see just how much trouble was caused by James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. If it wasn't sneaking out each night, it was causing a ruckus in the halls and at dinner with their clever charms and booby traps.

What I most enjoyed watching was how much of a single unit Frank and Alice formed. They were seated next to each other and each movement one made elicited a response in the other. When their hands were not occupied with eating or passing food or pumpkin juice they were holding onto each other. It wasn't over the top, it was quite subtle actually. It was beautiful. I interrupted a conversation about the literal hot potato game that lasted an entire day of History of Magic classes, blurting out, "How long have you two been together?"

Alice answered quickly, looking up into Frank's eyes as she spoke, "Three months? Give or take, a week, right?"

He responded with a smile. Alice fidgeted a bit and then threw up her left hand, waggling her fingers proudly. "And soon to be forever!" Her smile was brighter than the small stone on her ring finger. They shared a small kiss and we cheers'ed to their happiness.

Remus patted Frank on the back, laughing about taking the plunge. Frank nodded, "Well, you never know what is going to happen these days. So why not hold on to what we can?" An arm wrapped around Alice's shoulders and she leaned into him. Melding together.

"We don't want to wait, the weddings at the end of September. It's going to be small, just family and some friends. Of course all my Gryffindor '78-ers are invited!"

"Here, here!" Sirius raised his glass and we all enjoyed a drink in thanks. Alice quickly swallowed and gestured at me then sweeping her hand at the rest of the table, "Make one of these boys invite you, Holly!"

"Dibs!" Sirius, James, and Peter shouted at once, Remus blushed, and Lily shouted "Excuse me!" to James. We laughed this off and chatted some more. Alice cleared the mess of crumbs we made with a flick of her wand and her and Lily continued excitedly talking about wedding plans. Frank and the boys spoke in hushed whispers that I couldn't understand as it was practically in code. Most likely it was their secret group business, and from what I could hear they were going somewhere on Wednesday evening again. Despite being left out of the conversations, I was entirely comfortable.

We sat on the pier digesting and Sirius recounted the tale of the motorbike ride here. He obnoxiously pointed to small bruises on the sides of his ribs. I protested saying that I was terrified of heights and it was entirely unfair to surprise me like that. Everyone laughed and Peter gave me a high five for leaving my mark on Sirius. Annoyed at this, Sirius stood up and shoved Peter off the dock and into the water, he then made to do the same to me but I shrieked, "No! I'm still wearing real clothes, hold on!"

I hurriedly shed off my skirt, my blouse had been abandoned earlier in order to catch some sun. When I did this, Alice gasped almost inaudibly, but before she could point out what she most definitely had noticed – my scars – Sirius picked me up from under my arms and spun to throw me into the water.

I emerged laughing and soon everyone was jumping in, except Alice who had been sitting on the dock talking to Frank until he unexpectedly grabbed her arms and pulled her in, too. We messed around the whole afternoon, swimming and laughing.

As the sun began to set – much too early in my opinion – we climbed back up onto the dock to dry off. Alice sat next to me and reached out for my knee, "Hey Holly, is your leg okay? I see some scarring around your knee, I'd been working on some potions for my healer's exam that you're welcome to use to get rid of these. Here sit, let me see."

Lily was caught up digging through her bag looking for her dry clothes but immediately shot to attention when she heard what Alice wanted to inspect. "Alice!"

Alice bolted up from her mid squat position, "What?" They exchanged a few awkward glances. Alice confused and Lily searching for something to say. I interrupted, "Sorry, I really don't like people touching me. I just get really uncomfortable… umm, maybe you could lend me the lotion and I'll see how it works?"

Alice flitted to her fingers through the air, "I'm so sorry, I forget about invading others privacy. I just wanted to help, I hope you know that."

I felt terrible, what I said was mildly true but of all things, the girl was looking at my knees. I had completely forgotten about my scars and didn't even think to make sure they were out of sight. How recognizable was a werewolf bite?

Sirius walked over to us, "Hey Hol' ready for the trip back?" he asked with a cheeky grin.

"Oh no, no way am I getting onto that bike with you unless you promise to stay on the ground."

"Come on, Holly, you are no fun!"

Alice scolded Sirius for being so insensitive and eventually he conceded. The six friends waved goodbye as we walked back up towards the lot where we parked the motorbike. A chorus of cracks! let us know that they were gone and I had to fight to stay awake as I held onto Sirius as we drove – a much longer – route home.


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

When we arrived back at the cabin, Sirius led me up to the door and once I was through waved farewell stating that he, too needed to sleep. I was heading straight for my room, planning to shower and sleep immediately when a movement by the couch shocked me. "Oh my God!" was all I could manage to say before I hit the floor.

"Oh hell, sorry Holly!" Remus jumped off the couch now, trying to help me up. His sudden sitting up had scared me to bits since I had forgotten that other people inhabited this cabin, too. When I was finally standing, Remus scratched the back of his head awkwardly, "So… what took you so long to get home?"

I was confused and then noticed from the clock on the wall that it was well after midnight. I walked towards my room to gather my pajamas. "I made Sirius drive on the ground the whole way home, needless to say, it's a much longer trip."

He was leaning on the doorframe, "Oh." Pause. "good."

I was confused about why he was just standing there, saying nothing, but obviously wanting me to say something. As I walked towards the bathroom, I put out that query, "Why do you ask?"

Remus sat back down, "I don't know."

I shrugged, he was being weird. I went into the bathroom, but before I could shut the door Remus continued, "it's just that…"

"Just what, Remus?" I was tired and just wanted to wash all the lake off me so I could sleep.

"I don't know." He stood up and walked towards his room, passing me. "Sirius, he just … he doesn't typically have girls out so late without – er – ulterior motives."

Was he hinting at thinking that Sirius and I were busying ourselves in other forms than travelling? "I'm not really sure what you're getting at Remus. But seriously, it was a long trip back because it was a large distance to travel."

Remus looked at me again, both of us leaning around our respective doorframes, and looking down the wall at each other. "Whatever." I finally said, shutting the door to the bathroom. Whatever Remus suspected I was up to with Sirius was bogus. And what did he care anyways? I stepped into the bathtub and washed myself, but wasn't quite able to wash away the bother that Remus thinking I would go off gallivanting with Sirius. If he cared that I was on the back of a motorcycle with some boy, then he may as well be my father. But he couldn't be since him and the fact that he's a werewolf took me away from my family. And if he was bothered that I was off with Sirius, then why have Sirius take me when he got to just teleport or whatever. It wasn't fair.

I stewed on this for a while and then eventually got out of the tub. I dried myself off, got dressed, and then looked at my reflection. There was no way he was worried I was up to Sirius' ulterior motives, instead he was probably just worried I'd escaped and told a newspaper about his kind – both his kinds. That was probably it. It was much more plausible.

With a much calmer head, I exited the bathroom and went back to my room. I noticed that Remus' door was shut before I shut my own. Clearly he had the sense to forget about whatever was bothering him as well. Exhausted from the day, I fell asleep instantly.

When I woke up, I was shocked to find I wasn't alone again. Remus was in the kitchen making some tea, he looked exhausted. "Did you sleep at all last night, Remus?"

He jumped, obviously not noticing my approach, "Not a wink."

"Everything alright?" I pulled out some juice from the fridge and popped some bread into the toaster. I faced him while I drank a little, waiting for my toast.

"Eh, I think too much. But I think I've got it sorted now."

I nodded, then jumped when the toaster popped. I grabbed the slices and sat down to coat them in jam, I gestured at him to sit down. "Relax, you don't get many days off, so would you just shut your brain off for a bit?"

He smiled, "Actually, I think I'm going to go back to sleep- just for a little. Wake me up if I'm still asleep at noon?"

"Of course!" He went into his bedroom and I went and picked a book of the shelf, after breakfast I settled in on the couch, only to fall asleep as well. I woke from my slumber to realize that it was about one in the afternoon, I went to Remus' room to wake him up as I had promised.

I never imagined that waking Remus up would be such a difficult task. First of all, his room was tiny with barely enough space for his bed, a dresser was placed inside of the closet at the far wall and shelves were lining the walls surrounding the bed covered in books and pictures. I could hardly maneuver about his bed to shake his shoulders, seeing as there was only room to scooch sideways and I didn't want to bump my head on any of the shelving. At last I settled on just shaking his foot which was the closest part of him to me as I stood by the door. Unfortunately, this had little to no result. I tried several other tactics, including throwing things at him, but he continued to sleep. At one point, I panicked that he might be dead, but then remembered I could still hear him breathing and that his heart was beating at a slow steady sleeping rate. Frustrated I went into the kitchen and filled a glass of water up, then promptly returned to the bedroom, shimmied my way down towards the head of the bed, and poured a little bit onto the back of his head.

He woke with such a quick start that I did not expect. The other bit that I did not expect was that I would be slammed immobile against the wall because he slept with his wand in his hand and have to watch as a still groggy Remus assessed the situation. He wiped his eyes, still pointing his wand at me, and when he had sufficiently cleared away his sleepys, his eyes widened in shock when he saw what he had done. A quick wave of his wand allowed me to move again and his apologies were endless.

It was weird, that was the first time I'd ever experienced magic against me. Weird didn't even begin to describe it, I felt a mix of being powerless but also, I was impressed at Remus' power. I had no scale to judge upon, but I knew I never wanted to know. I rubbed at my shoulder and walked towards the kitchen, Remus followed me and insisted I sit down and that he'd make food today as it was the least he could do. While he dabbled about in the kitchen, I asked him about the group he belonged to, if they were all his age.

"Well, we're the youngest. Most of us our under thirty, I suppose." He set a lid over the pot and came back over to the table, "I think it's because we're all unattached. Two of the guys have a sister with something like four or five children, clearly she can't join up."

"Maybe it's just because only the young are so rash to put themselves into such danger?"

Remus chuckled, "Or maybe we're just all that desperate for jobs?"

"So it's a league of unemployed hotheads eager to stop evil?"

Now Remus guffawed, "Yes. Exactly." He stood up and checked on the noodles, "Well, some are employed. Like Frank for example, he's one of the people that also works as an Auror."

"So he's a wizard policeman and with you guys? Isn't that redundant?" I walked over to help him get the plates together.

"Only slightly, we need people on the inside, too."

"So he's like a double agent, but only on both of the good sides?" I peered over at the stove, "Sauce is boiling."

"Thanks," Remus took the pan off the heat and stirred it about, "Yeah, you could say that. Some of the older members work in the Ministry as well."

We sat down to eat, Remus frowning slightly at my putting my feet on another chair. I responded by raising my eyebrows and shoving another chair towards him. "Try it, its more comfortable, as though you're reclining to eat like a Roman."

He laughed and put his feet up, which looked incredibly ridiculous. His knees were well above the table because he had such long limbs. I laughed and brought the conversation back to before, "So its mostly you and your classmates, then?"

"Yeah, I mean, that I know of. I don't know quite how many of us there are, but there isn't many. There may be others that are a bit more incognito."

I nodded and kept eating, "All my classmates are either going to University, working as secretaries in the city, or just working on their MRS."

Remus furrowed his brow, "What kind of degree is that?"

I put down my fork, lifted my left hand and waggled my fingers. "The kind that gets you married!"

"So that's what you were working on when we were first 'acquainted'."

"What? No!"

"Well, it's not like you were working or in school."

I did my best attempt at raising one eyebrow. "I could say the same for yourself."

We ate in silence for a little, until Remus asked, "So were there prospects?"

I was confused for a little, "for marriage? You're kidding me, Lupin. I was much too annoying in school to have gained prospects. My only prospect in life was to become the town nanny."

More silence ensued, and then when we finished eating and Remus and I were clearing up, Remus cleared his throat a little to get my attention. I set the plates down in the sink and looked at him.

"So you know how Alice quasi-invited you to her wedding?"

I definitely hadn't forgotten about that, I had actually inspected my closet the night before wondering if I had anything to wear. And wondering what wizards wore to weddings. "Yeah, I'm not too sure about that." I mumbled, then I realized that Remus was looking at me rather expectantly, so I hurried into a babbling rant. "I mean, I don't even know them. I don't even have something to wear. I don't even know what one wears to a wizard wedding. And again, I hardly know them."

"Well, you're welcome to come as my date then, to make it socially acceptable."

"Of course, I'll come as your date. So it's socially acceptable."

He smiled, "Thanks." With a wave of his wand, all the dirty dishes were clean and started putting themselves away.

"Thank you, I missed having you around, so many more chores." I said, waving my arm about towards the rest of the room.

"And to think, it was the company I'd assumed you'd missed." Remus commented, grabbing a book off the shelf.

"Of course, I missed you and your friends- but you lot come with a lot of perks. If you ignore the negatives." I picked up a novel myself and laid down on the couch. From his chair, Remus looked up, confused, "What negatives?"

Instead of answering, I stretched my leg up and gestured towards the scarring. Remus immediately shut his mouth and looked down into his book. I felt terrible for bringing it up, trying to make amends, I kept blabbering, "Well, it's not like I think about it often. I was just, I dunno – normally you're the one bringing it up. Not that I blame you. I'm just – I don't know."

I could see Remus starring at me over his book, but refusing to put it down. As if it was a shield. So I kept talking, "I think that we had a lovely day, truly lovely, so for once you actually forgot about this – this crap." I wildly pointed at my leg. "And I'm sorry I brought it up, because with all this garbage going on, whatever you guys are fighting against, you don't need me bringing up the one thing that you hate so much." I pulled my book in front of my face, covering up the fact that every time I speak candidly, I get emotional. "I'm sorry."

We sat in silence, I pretended to read, counting to thirty and then turning a page. Listening intently to see if Remus was turning pages in his book. Then I noticed that his I could hear his heart, thumping. When I heard it, I gasped. Then I heard Remus set his book down. I lowered my book and looked over at him. He was sitting in the chair, thumb holding his spot in the book, and the other hand open, palm up. I could tell that he wanted me to explain my slight outburst.

"I'm sorry, I had forgotten how much I could hear. With nothing going on in these woods, I guess I had forgotten."

He relaxed a bit, "It is certainly something." He lifted his book back up and resumed reading, "For instance, I could tell that you had been holding your breath before."

"So you weren't reading?"

"Were you?" He raised an eyebrow.

I chucked my book at him, "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" Remus alternated raising each of his eyebrows, teasing me.

"You jerk. Give me back my book."

Remus tossed it back over to me, and I found my spot again. Before I began reading, I thought about how if it was any of the other boys, they probably would have kept messing with me. It was nice to have Remus, who knew when to joke and when to stop. After a couple chapters, I put my book down, "Hey, Remus?"

"Hmm?" I watched until he had come to the end of a paragraph, when he looked up.

"I'm glad that it's you." I don't really know what made me say it, but I knew that it was true. And that it would be nice for him to hear.

He didn't respond immediately, I could tell he was turning the phrase over in his head, evaluating it, "In what respect?"

"I dunno, all of them. Living with, mostly. I like having you around. Everyone else just exhausts me, but you're… you're quite alright." I felt foolish. I already looked foolish, seeing as I was laying back flat against the couch, legs up and twisted so that they were not on the armrest, but on the couch's back, arms gesticulating as I spoke.

"I'll take that as a compliment." Remus smiled and lifted his book back up to read. He looked relaxed, for him, at least. His feet were up on the coffee table, but his back was still straight up against the cushioned chair. I stopped observing him and went back to my book.

"Holly?" He asked, giving me the same courtesy of getting to a stopping point before I looked over. "Me too."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I like having you around, too. I'm glad it's you, and not some other person who could have gone crazy about what had happened. Somehow, and I don't quite understand why, you don't really vocalize any complaints about the situation you're in."

I did my best 'really?' look and he chuckled, "Well, I guess not that often, as often as I would. And I like having you around when I'm here."

I smiled at him and returned to my book, Remus to his.

.:.

I spent the next morning, attempting to sew by letting the hem out of Remus' trouser legs. "Really, Remus, I don't understand how you're still growing. I could have sworn this pair fit you fine the last time you wore them."

He shrugged and I poked him with the needle, "Don't fidget!"

A mumbled, "fine." was the response I received and I continued putting in pins to mark where I would sew the new hem in.

A sudden whoosh of air made me look up from my work, and the large silvery stag standing there made me fall back from knees onto my bum. It was shiny and translucent and it opened its mouth and spoke, "Ten minutes, outside The Three Broomsticks." Then it disappeared.

I looked up at Remus, "Was that James?"

"What?" He asked, hopping off of the kitchen chair he had been standing on. "Oh yeah, a message from him." He tip-toe ran to his room, trying to avoid being pricked by the pins I had placed in the bottoms of his trousers. "I have to go Holly, thanks for fixing these." He gestured to the khakis and then went to take them off, thought better of it and shut the door. He emerged again quickly, handing me the pair, "I'll see you later, okay?"

He seemed flustered, I had thought they were getting more free days, so I could see why he was thrown off. When I saw him disappear with the crack! I was left alone.

Keeping myself busy, I set to work sewing in the hem. After two hours bent over the pant legs, I held them up to examine my work.

Yep, they were crooked and the stitches I had made were uneven. But the good thing was, was that this was my first attempt at my 'new hobby' and it wasn't that bad. And no one would really see it, since it was ground level. I folded them and laid them on the corner of Remus' bed.

It still surprised me how small Remus' room was. And the fact that it was the only room besides the combined kitchen and sitting room. Before I had arrived, of course. Hadn't his parents lived here? I never wanted to approach the subject with Remus, because I knew there were all sorts of reasons, money being the most obvious. I didn't want to know the reasons why Remus did not have a room to his own. But it seemed as if he spent the majority of his time at school anyways. Remus had gone so far as to build me a room onto the house, but never bothered to expand his own. He was an odd character, that was for sure.

I closed his door and went about the rest of my day. Around nine in the evening, I decided I was tired enough to make going to sleep this early acceptable. I didn't think that Remus would be home that night anyways.

The front door slamming open woke me up, and I stumbled out into the living room. Déjà vu overwhelming me as I watched Remus and Sirius carry in Peter. He had a deep gash across his right arm and was gushing blood. I went into panic mode initially. Standing there staring at what was going on before rushing to get rags to help tourniquet and clean the mess. When I ran back in from the sink, I saw that Lily, Alice, and James were there. Lily was hysterical over something, crying and yelling, and James was trying to calm her down and Alice was dumping out a bag full of bottles onto the table, sorting though them and trying to pick out which to use. I tied off Peter's arm tightly and Alice set to work pouring potions steadily across his upper arm while Remus repeatedly muttered spells which seemed to slowly, too slowly, close up the wounds.

I watched fascinated by this until Sirius nudged me. I looked up at him and he pointed at me.

"What?" I didn't get what he was trying to say.

He pointed again, and this time I looked down at myself. When was I going to learn my lesson that I should wear more than a t shirt to sleep in? "Ugh, sorry." I looked around and grabbed the first thing on the top of the laundry pile.

Soon enough, Alice stepped back from her work on Peter. She wiped off her brow and smoothed out her clothes. "Just keep putting dittany on it, probably every few hours, and it should heal up just fine. I've never seen a wound so deep from a curse, what was that?"

Sirius shrugged, "Never encountered it before, either."

"And I never want to see it again." Remus added, "and neither does Lily, she seemed pretty distraught, when'd she leave?"

Everyone shrugged, but it was clear that James had taken Lily home rather than try to calm her down with a bleeding Peter right in front of her. Alice yawned and stretched, "I really must be going, so sorry to see you again on such odd terms, Holly." She waved and walked out into the darkness.

Sirius offered to keep an eye on Pete while we slept, but Remus refused, telling him to go home and sleep as well. Since I had already been asleep, I asked for instructions from Remus and took the first shift for Remus.

While I sat there reading, but mostly staring at Pete's restored arm, something was bugging me, but I couldn't figure out what. When it finally clicked, burst into Remus' room did I ask, "Why did you guys bring Alice here? I thought that no one but Lily, James, Sirius, and Peter knew that you lived in the middle of the woods."

His eyes bulged at that, "Holly! Crap. Umm… I've got to go explain some things. Especially why you were here. We were not thinking at the time and I just took everyone here. Shoot. I'll be back." He didn't even put on shoes, just ran out into the night and with a pop was gone.

He didn't return right away, so I gave Peter's arm another dose and fell asleep.

I woke up to the smell of Remus cooking breakfast. When I went to the kitchen I saw that it was not even seven in the morning. "Remus, when did you get back? Did you even sleep at all?"

"What? Oh, no. No I didn't." He seemed distracted.

"How'd the cover up with Alice go?"

He stopped what he was doing, and turned slowly, holding his hands up, one tilted slightly above the other.

"I take it that means not good? Or not like you planned?"

"The latter. When she got back to her place, Lily was already there and so when Alice thought to ask the questions, Lily answered them. Not quite the way I would have wanted them to be answered." He continued scratching the back of his head, his obvious tell of uncomfort.

"And…"

"Well, Lily told a half truth about the cabin. Said that my family was poor so that's why we own this dingy little shack in the woods-"

"Remus, it's not dingy!"

"Well, Lily's words not mine. You can take it up with her, okay?" He laughed, "And when Alice asked Lily about you. Lily said that you lived in the village nearby, then, Alice caught her off guard when she said that you were here. In a nightshirt."

"Oh." I looked down at what I was wearing, hoping that Alice was too preoccupied to notice my scars. "Did she…?" I trailed off and pointed towards my leg.

"No, no actually. She was more concerned with your presence and attire than your appearance. And unfortunately, Lily (rather than saying you were mad at your family and staying the night or something of that sort that I was planning on saying) let slip that you lived here. And upon further pressure for gossip from Alice decided to say we were 'an item.'"

"What."

"Yeah. So good news is you are officially my plus one to Frank and Alice's wedding. Bad news is that they think we are a couple living together."

"Whoa."

"Yeah, to make things worse, Alice decided that we must have been seeing each other for a while now and that is why I never flirted at Hogwarts."

I have no idea how my facial expressions were. I couldn't figure out how I felt. We were now in such a tangled web of lies and confusion all because I got in a werewolf's way less than a three months ago. Had it only been a month? Now, not only was I a captive, but one of the few people that knew us 'on the outside' now thought we were a couple, a long term, living together couple. "Did Lily tell her not to tell anyone about me?"

"I didn't see Alice to tell her myself, believe me I would have. But I made Lily promise that she would tell Alice not to talk about you whatsoever."

"Good."

"Of course, Lily made an addendum: That you must still attend the wedding still and that we would keep up this 'charade' of being together while there."

"And this charade, we shall keep." I cheersed towards him with a glass of orange juice and he returned the gesture.


End file.
